Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Secrets blogged :P


Dhanya tagged me :D

There is something about tags that make my day :D
I'm supposed to reveal 7 secrets which no one knows about. Now it's difficult since I'm a girl. Almost a woman. I have one mouth and a non-existent stomach to hold back any damn secret. I have to tell someone all my 'Don't-tell-anyone' secrets. Hi5 Dhanya! Why are we girls like this?

1. Harini (Bichari, her reputation is ruined since my blog started) and I always rename people. Like if there is a 'Raj', we claim 'Raj' doesn't suit him. Arjun suits him more. Poor thing has a name, and he doesn't even know we exist, and we are there, re-naming him :D

2. I have planned how many kids I am going to have, what are their names and what they are going to do. I won't reveal it here. You will copy it for your kids then! :O

3. I want to star in L'oreal ad before I die. No need to laugh. Hmph.

4. I made one of my barbies be my pretend husband and made my other barbie my pretend me. And we threw a party for the other dolls. (Lame? I was a kid !!)

5. (Is this going to end?) I hate 90% of the people I meet.

6. I drool when I sleep :D (Thanks Harshita! She asked me to write down one of my irritating habits. Thanks! Now no one will marry me.)

7. I am going to burn my marksheets after I retire and I will not tell my kids or my husband what my grades were. (Lame? Sue you !!)

Dhanya-waad for this :D Would love it if someone else took up this tag :)

Friday, December 18, 2009

Solo.



Searching and seeking,
For The perfect plan,
A reason for my real smile,
Them, with whom I can share,
Blink, and there's no one around.


Oh yes, you are there,
But still not quite here,
What am I doing? Myself I know not,
One down, one erupts back,
Punches my face, flat I fall,
Picking up the pieces, bruised,
Alone, I collect myself.
I smile, and be with you,
Not let you know, your wrong,
Dance to your moves, tunelessly.


Have to let it go, as usual,
Wait for the verdict of my fate,
Nothing can be worse than this,
I'll bet there's more to come....

Friday, December 4, 2009

Is it a sign?


Was chilling with friends, that day,
Laughing, yapping, just my way,
Suddenly, I spotted you right there,
I continued to stare and stare.

She nudged me and I told her,
She shrugged and turned back to her burger,
Your body language, it was you right there,
Smiling, eyes dancing, that look of care.

Upto your table, I walked with my head low,
It was now or never, I had to know,
Whether it was you, who I thought I knew,
Or that someone who made it, where, venture few,

Alright, it wasn't you after all,
Why did I care? You don't deserve that call,
It's sudden, it's a burst of unwanted emotion,
Or is it a display of old affection?

P.S- It may appear ambiguous to you lot, but no worries, I'm doing great, mentally and physically. Internship is great, wish I could tell you more about it, wish I could tell you about Mumbai, wish I could tell you a lot more...And I wish I knew what I want to wish for.

P.P.S- But you can make your wish through Mads Mad Mess Make a Wish Foundation !!
Wish Harshita a very Happy, Hearty, Hersheyful Birthday today :)

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

On Fingering, Roadies and MUMBAI !

Got nothing really to write about. Thought of a funny incident which happened this semester so posted about it. And after a long time, posting a Dad Joke :)


The Nobody (That is the nobody in my batch who tries to be a yo che dude): "Abbe suno, pata hai aaj kya hua ??"

We (with an expression that we couldn't care less if Obama came to our college to give a guest lecture): Uhuh?

The Nobody: (in the typical India TV sansani khabar tone): Pata hai, X ne Y ko finger dikhaya???????????

We (indifferent as ever. I think it's in the blood of lawyers to be indifferent to everything that happens which doesn't involve sex, money, internships, and c.g.p.a- not necessarily in that order): Uhuh... (Read: Buzz off!!)

Nobody: (determined to make an impact) WO BHI MIDDLE WALA !!!

We: (too stunned to respond)
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him, "OMG! And there I was thinking he showed him the little finger and went off to do susu...."


Dad Joke:

I was watching the endless repeats of Roadies 6 when Dad entered the room. He looked at Bobby and Palak wrestling, kicking and pulling each other's hair. I looked innocently back at Dad, who in turn gave me a 'you useless fellow' look. I can't help it. My semester break coincides with MTV telecasting Roadies all day and I'm forced to watch MTV since Miley Jab Hum Tum has finally become boring. I continued watching, pretending I didn't catch the dirty look thrown at me.

Dad coughed and dryly remarked, "Is it Roadies you are watching or Rowdies?"

Mom sniggered from the kitchen and I continued watching, pretending I didn't hear that.


Thanks Akansha for the shower of awards :D
Am off to Mumbai for my internship. Hoping to have some fun at least at the end of the year. Will keep you posted.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

That Environ-MENTAL law paper !!

No, no, I didn’t pass away after falling down from an escalator or something. It’s been long since I posted, but here I am….

4 exams down, and 2 more to go. Screwed up 2 exams, and 2 were decent, in case you care. Had Environmental Law exam today. It’s been 7 semesters since me and Harini are giving exams and it’s always been the same story. In 3rd semester, before a criminal law paper, from 11 pm to 7 am we chatted about Shahid-Kareena’s breakup. In 4th semester, we had an exclusive men bashing session, with an email forward I received called '99 things you need to know about men’ for reference.

But we outdid ourselves today. Who discusses about ants 15 minutes before the exam? A 60 marks paper, with at least a dozen Acts to remember, a zillion cases to remember. And we are laughing before the paper when the guys who are always out of the class and the chilled out ones were studying seriously as if its doomsday.



Segment 1:
So we were studying in Harini’s room and I casually flicked an ant off the wall. This is when it all started. Harini looks at the ant with pity and says, “What a life it has. No exams. No boy to irritate her. No tension at all”. (Yup, we assumed it’s a female because it’s a girls hostel I guess)
Me: “But poor thing, she climbed all the way up the wall and I just flicked her off. How many times does she climb up like this on her thin legs?”
Thus, we discussed the pros and cons of being an ant.


Segment 2:

Harini: “The course is never ending!! You know Ravana?”
Me: giving wtf look to her.
Harini: “Oh of course, you know Ravana.
Me: wtf look continues.
Harini: So when Ram killed Ravana, they went back to Ayodhya naa?
Me: wtf look continues since I’m clueless as to where this is heading to. From Wildlife Protection Act to Ravana?
Harini: So they went on this vahana where one seat would increase despite the number of people who climbed on the vahana.
Me: Uhuh…
Harini: (beaming with joy) So our course is like the vahana !! Keeps increasing like that one seat !!
Me: rofl for the next 20 minutes.

Segment 3:

Scene: Outside our respective classrooms, 15 minutes before the exam. Harini had her bunch of 4 months worth of xeroxed notes in her arms and I was trying to balance my bunch of notes.
Harini suddenly looks on the wall and puts her fingers and imitates an ant walking on that wall. We discussed during those 15 minutes whatever we had discussed the night before and shamelessly laughed at the fact that we were discussing the stupid discussion again.

We came out of the exam, beaming, not because the exam was over.
Harini: So, how was it?
Me: Ahh….
Harini: Yeah, same. Anyway, I have thought of the perfect dress I’m going to buy for my sister’s wedding.
(Notice the conversation regarding the exam doesn’t last for more than 10 seconds)
Me: When is it? It’s not until next year end, right?
Harini: Yeah…
Me: Let’s shop for bags when we intern this time, ok?
And we don't bother discussing the paper or thinking bout the next paper at all.

Is it the drastic effect of 7 semesters and 40 end semester examinations that we have undergone which has made us like this?

P.s- Would you believe me if I said that the paper actually was decent for both of us?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Escalaphobia che.

Normal people have phobias for lizards (there, you shivered when you read the word itself !!) or spiders (that small thing??) or heights (and here I'm scared I won't get a tall guy :P)

But I have to be different from the rest of the world.
I suffer from this phobia called Escalaphobia. The fear of escalators.



Why? Why? Why do they exist? Man built stairs, man built elevators. but the jerk wasn't satisfied and he made the you-know-whats too.

Here's a dedication to the E things.

You are ugly, you are cunning, a big cheat,
Your teeth, they wanna bite,
And snap off, when I step my feet,
You claim you fly as fast as a kite.

You make me unsteady,
You make my heart stop beating,
You laugh like a maniac, bloody,
And keep the pace jumping.

People appreciate you for saving their time,
They do not understand the terror I undergo,
You save their energy, when they are past their prime,
You have made my life in malls a big blow.

The liftmen laugh at me when I stand before,
Shivering, knees giving way, I tremble,
You mean escalator, you laugh, you ridicule, you roar,
As I make my way to the elevator or stairs, all humble.




My other phobia is Cynophobia i.e. fear of dogs. But I can still manage by shivering, abusing and walking past the poor dog, which incidentally, only bites when it is moody because of which the bitten has to receive only 14 injections. For clarifications, I have not been bitten (YET! Touch wood)

Sunday, September 20, 2009

About Embarassing and Self Suiciding.

The best part about any college life has to be the friends that one makes during college. Bunking classes and catching a movie, trying to catch the attention of the opposite sex (and lately, same sex too :O), playing tic tac toe in class, suddenly getting the urge to count the number of stars with your friend before an all important exam...The list is endless :D

There is this one friend who everyone must be having in his/her life. Also known as the embarassing friend. No no, not that you are embarassed to be his/her friend. Just that he/she ends up embarassing you...always!



I have one such friend and this post is dedicated to her.

1) Me (in a whisper): "Pssst. Don't take names. But the guy, I was telling you about. The one who looks like a girl. Yeah, the so called boy called Rajesh. He's right behind you.Turn subtlely and look at him, ok!!"

Embarasser(hysterical with happiness of finally getting to see him, like he is a Tom Cruise or something!!): "What?? Rajesh is behind? But where? Oh, behind me? But where is Rajesh?"

Rajesh has been giving both of us stony looks for the rest of our college lives since that (un)fateful day.


2) Embarasser (in full of her bitchy josh): Haha you know what? Sandeep and Sheena were totally making out in the classroom. I just saw them. Can you imagine, what Sheena's ex would go through if he had seen that?" (laughing like there is no tomorrow)

Me: (trying to tell her Mr.Ex is right behind us)

Embarasser: Hai? What? Arre laugh naa! I hope he goes there now. (sniggering)

Mr. Ex passes by and clears his throat to make his presence felt and embarasser's laugh dies in her mouth.

In one class, our sir asked us a basic question, who's answer we HAD to know, but surprisingly all of us were stoned that day and no one bothered to give an answer. Sir got pissed and went like, "How can you people not know this? I should commit self- suicide!!" LOL. I like sirs who make such sad jokes and entertain the class!

This semester has been very hectic since the examination system has been changed totally. So I'll be posting less and will read you guys when I have time.

Btw, I've been interviewed by Pakistani Spectator. If you value your life, read it and comment!!!

Link is:
http://www.pakspectator.com/interview-with-blogger-madhuri-rahul-dravid/

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Realization.

It's only after something really drastic happens that you realize who is important in your life and in who's life you are actually important.

It's been 14 days since my grandfather passed away and I admit I'm still not over it. I don't think anyone in my family is over it too. Fortunately, I haven't been avoiding studies or messing up my college activities because of the mourning. Studying helped in distracting me. At least my C.G.P.A might finally increase.

What really hurt was the behaviour of the people around me. People who I considered as my close friends, who I thought knew me in and out, didn't actually know Madhuri Iyer. It hurt when outsiders found my grandfather's death funny and made some crude remarks.I have a policy in my Sense of Humour Act, 2009 that jokes on funerals are strictly prohibited. People haven't seen me like this and yeah it's depressing to be depressing and see depressing faces around always, I understand.But it hurts double when your own people don't understand what you are feeling and don't bother.



But what pisses me off is that it's perfectly alright if people crib about their problems which are like, nothing in front of death. Boy problems and rubbish is more important, it seems. I'm not expecting sympathy and any talk that "Hey, look up there, grandpa is watching you, don't cry". I'm just expecting some sensible moments of peace around me. I lost someone, and I'm not asking everyone around me to tell me to cheer up or some crap. But they expect their problems to be more severe than this. There has been not a single soul to whom I can openly crib, be upset over and share what I'm actually feeling.

It's all about adjusting. All my life I've adjusted to all my friends, family etc. My ego had to be crushed in the mud to meet the demands of others. And whenever there's a fight, it's me who has to apologize even if it's not my fault. Whenever I want to do something or go somewhere, it never happens. If I'm not well, it's perfectly okay. If others aren't well, I have to pamper and be all nice to them. Still, I'm termed selfish. I'm termed bitchy. And this is despite me adjusting to others always. I do listen to others when they are sad, rude, pissed, happy any damn emotion. So why isn't anyone around when I need them? Doesn't sacrificing everything mean friendship? I have as big an ego as others have. But I can't ever be egoistic and avoid my friends just because we have fought or don't bother when my friend is sad. Now it seems I never had any self-esteem. I force myself to change, I tell myself to be strong and be cold to others when they are cold to me, but I just can't do it.

When will the time come when I get to do something which I want and which makes me feel happy? When will the time come when someone understands how I'm feeling without me telling them? I'm not asking for a boyfriend. I'm just asking for a friend who knows me inside out and is with me always to share my happiness as well as sorrow?

P.S- I'm not hinting at school/college/blogger friends over here. As for whom I'm hinting at, it's none of your business.
I know, it's a long post. Let me crib at least on my blog space.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Gone.

It's ironical that my last post was titled 'Wake up Mads' where I cribbed about needing a Wake up call to get on with my life, and something did happened to wake me up. My grandfather passed away on 23rd August. Yes, he was 86 years young, but still he didn't really have any health problems; it was unexpected. He behaved like a teenager, his latest crush being Deepika Padukone (Why? Why? What did I do to that female in my last birth that she is being all mean to me this time around? First she steals my Dhoni, then my Ranbir, then my grandpa too!!! :O)

My grandpa got up at 5 in the morning to see whether Obama became the President of USA or not. He felt sorry for each and every beggar on the street and gave them money. He fed cows in the mornings on the way for his morning walks. He ate, drank, slept sports. Something which he forced into me, and I am forever indebted to him for that. He taught me and my sis to play badminton. He spoilt me like crazy since I'm the youngest grandkid. He used to predict the results of cricket matches, politics etc. (He predicted on the day of the finals that India would win by 5 runs :O) He felt sorry for each and every poor man. I mean he was real. No fakeness. So benevolent in such times where everyone is cruel in some way or the other.
He used to watch AXN and switch channels when we kids entered the room. Me and my sis used to call my grandparents up every Sunday and my grandpa used to ask us general knowledge questions and ask stupid jokes like: Q. How will you stir tea, with your right hand or left hand? A. With a spoon :P



Astonished me by using the word sexy once :O He used to comb my hair when I was small and my grandmom used to tie it with a rubber band; only to discover that both the ponies were lopsided :P
I went to their apartments in Chennai (my grandmom's health is not okay and she can't live alone in their place now so she lives with my aunt) for the last time before it was cleared out, right after the funeral. I found out all the questions he had written down neatly and carefully for us along with some jokes (one was about a bald man and in brackets, he had written 'takla'...Lol :D) He had preserved all the pics of us grandkids so carefully.

This post is never going to end. My grandmom and he taught us grandkids (my cousins, my sis and me) so much that whatever 4 of us are today, it's only because of them. We were/are closer to them than our how close we are to our own parents.

Losing someone who brought me and my cousins up is not at all easy. Life's changed after that dreadful Ganesh Chaturthi (at least my grandpa went away on a festival which belonged to his favourite God :D) For obvious reasons, I have not been able to read your blogs. Will get back whenever I can.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Wake up Mads !!

Happy Independance Day :D

Wake up Mads should have been the title of the movie, instead of Wake up Sid and they should have cast me and not Ranbir Kapoor.



Ask why?


Because:
  1. I'm lazy.
  2. I'm childish and I refuse to grow up.
  3. My grades suck and I have no goal in life.
  4. Like Sid Mehra (Ranbir's role in the movie, for those who are away from civilization, i.e. live in a hostel) cannot live without his camera, car , his friends and his X-box 360. I cannot live without my cellphone, computer, music, friends :D

But I LIKE it this way. I don't feel guilty when I have spent the day lazying around. I feel great when I play kabaddi with the ants running on the floor, blocking their way. I like switching channels on T.V every 5 minutes. I like clearing my hostel room and messing it all over again. I love listening to the same song for 20 times in a row. I love to work on my projects or study for a test just on the last minute. I love life the way it is. Without any aim. Without any goal. It's just cool che. Wasting time, enjoying in college. Even studying seems fun when I do it in the last minute.


I like this nonsensical post which is heading nowhere.

I like being 20, having 1 and a half year to graduate, and still not bothering to work and raise my C.G.P.A. I like going to the High Court and imaging myself as a lawyer there, after I graduate. I like to day dream that I'll become a journalist and write saaaxee articles and be phamous. I would love to start my own advertising agency.

A few concerned people lately have told me to grow up, to study, to become serious in life etc. etc. I am myself concerned about my future but nothing is moving in this little brain of mine.

I am like this.

P.S- Whoever thinks England is going to smack Aussie ass(h)es, repeat after me, Aussies suck :D

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Weird che.

Tag lifted from my other blog shit for tat. Thanks Nidzzi :D




10 Weird things you need to know about me to get a good night's sleep tonight :D



1) I love to CLEAR. CLEAN. When I'm in a bad mood, clearing helps me forget my troubles. When I'm not well, I need to clear to get back to normal :D When I come back home for every semester break, I clear the very minute I step into my home :D


2) I hate Mehendi. Yuck. Dirty, stinking, cowdung like thing on my hands? Oh please. Spare me.


3) I love cricket despite being a girl :P And it's NOT for the cricketters and it's NOT to impress some dude with my cricket knowledge. Actually, it's a turn-off for most guys when I know the score update faster than the guys in my college. Still, I don't care. I will die a virgin (Harshita's recent dialogue) but I will not stop loving sports.


4) I hate Hrithik Roshan. Yes, despite being a girl who's straight, I hate him. He looks like a dinosaur. His dancing makes him look like he will fall over any minute. And his acting is just NORMAL.


5) I'm scared of escalators. I can stand lizards, spiders, reptiles, and even men :P I think I can even pass a dog (after screaming, abusing and screeching at the dog) but I will NOT go up(or down) an escalator. If there is an escalator in a mall, I will find the stairs or the elevator. If there is no staircase or elevator, then I will NOT go to the above floors in the mall. Yup, that's me. And this is one reason I won't/can't go abroad.


6) I was/am majorly obsessed with being Preity Zinta. I poked my pencil into my cheeks to get dimples like her. I changed my hair style to match her hair style in Koi Mil Gaya. Kept journalism as an option only because of her role in Lakshya (and also Barkha Dutt inspired me :P) Fought with boys saying, "Preity is mine!! No, she's mine!!"


7) I must be the only girl on Planet Earth who wants to gain weight :D


8) And I must be the only girl on Planet Earth who can finish shopping in a jiffy.


9) I still love my dolls and sleep with them :P


10) I cry in every movie, serial..From Mujhse Dosti Karoge to Saawariya to Kismet Konnection to Miley Jab Hum tum ke sad scenes, been there, cried it all.


I tag whoever wants to take it up...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A Truthful Milk.

First things first, Nidhi (What? You don't know her? Blogroll her right now, if you value your life!!) had to change her blog's link. You can catch her at http://www.drunkthought.blogspot.com/ now. *Muft Muft Muft* !!

Why is it that when you want to post a tag, you don't seem to remember which pending tag you were supposed to do?

Why is it that you get thrilled and nervous at the same time when you realize you have 14 months left till you graduate?

Why is it that Jay Sean music gives you a high, which even 10 tequilla shots might not give?

Why is it that they don't make human boys like Edward Cullen ?

Why is it that there seems to be a generation gap between us, 4th yrites and the newbie 1st yrites ?

Why is it that God Uncle couldn't attach a paper on which our career, life partner, the way we will die, everything would be written down? Would save so many complications and depression pangs (Nahii!! I won't ever get a guy!! No one loves me!!), you see.

Why is it that I get a feeling I have made zillion of grammatical errors in this particular post ?

And...What did one milk tell the other milk?

Don't worry. I got an answer for this one. In fact, I got awesome replies to this one. Even better than the original answer.

1) Hello Milk!
Courtesy my rakhi brother in college. Ok, I know my jokes are terrible and pakao, but Hello Milk?!?!?!?!

2) Let's go to the milky way!!
I forgot who told me this. Good one, though.

3) Tumse 'milk'e naa jaane kyun
Garam Bheja Fry in true Bollywood style.

4) I'm hotter than you are.
My reply ^^

5) You are spoilt.
Daddy ji. This is my personal favourite.

6) Kya tum chehre par malai lagati ho? (I mean, how innovative, man.)
GBF again.

7) Tumhari safedi meri safedi se zyada hai !
Chitwan. Haan ji, I use Fair and Lovely all the time.

8) Aaj dekhe zara, kisme hai kitna paani !!
Mommy joke =D

9) Are you related to 'Milk'a Singh?
Amith's desperate contribution to be mentioned on my blog. Haha.

And the real answer is....
"Wat's up, doodh?"


P.S- Not my creation. Don't kill me. It's by my school friend.

P.P.S- I'll try to be truthful is so nice, genuine and totally....cool. I dedicate this post to her. I know, I know, it's hardly a dedication post. But I feel like dedicating something to her. And the questions I have asked in the starting are truthful, so get the connection, naa? :P And btw, Truthful, it wasn't your movie tag which I have accidentally forgotten :P

Monday, July 20, 2009

Celebrations!

Dear Madhuri,

Hope you are literally in the pink of health like I am. You must be wondering why I'm writing to you for a change instead of you writing to me.

It's been 2 years since I'm living with you. It's almost like I'm a part of you. When I first came into your life, you never felt my importance. You wanted success right from the time you first held my hand. I didn't provide you that, for at least a year. You never supported me, when I was alone and isolated. I felt betrayed when you talked to me sweetly, and abused me the very next minute. I still loved you, even if you threw me out of your life once, only to accept me back. But you still never felt that I was the person who would make your life worth living. But I knew it.

Then came July 2008, where you ignored my first birthday, but I am not blaming you. I was hardly important in your life then. But it seemed God had heard my prayers. He sent some of his messengers to create a bond between both of us. We finally met, never to separate ever. You loved me unconditionally now. You now realized my importance in your life. We met daily, sometimes even 10 times a day, and stared at each other unblinkingly. There was a time when you were forced to leave me, because of some reasons, but I was glad to have you back in my life.
Today, on my 2nd birthday, the feelings are finally mutual. You adore me and pamper me, and in return, I pass on to you all the love and affection showered upon you by the God sent messengers.

I love you.

Yours blogingly,
Brian (the name of my blog)

P.S- Wrote this post in a hurry, because I AM in a hurry. Would like to thank each and everyone for all the love they have given to my blog and me, and specially my fellow members in the joint blog shit for tat. Today, Mads Mad Mess is alive and kicking only thanks to each and everyone who has commented on my blog.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Love Aaj Kal. Yeah right.

I want....

1) A Boyfriend.

2) Rains to continue.

3) Romantic music in the background.

4) A makkai stall in the corner of a road.

5) No one else on the road except him, me and the makkai wala(corn) (who should disappear after giving us the makkais)

6) Him dancing, singing, being cute, all the while.

7) Sigh.


P.S- I have yet to recover from my previous post on Totas. And I have yet to come to reality that there is no point in going to New York State University to study Masters in Law because Neil Nitin Mukesh and John Abraham do NOT study there. That's it. I'm single and I'm 20. I will never, ever get a guy (or even a girl, in extreme circumstances) . I will be the only miserable one in the family, amongst the latest breed of youngistans who will be pushed into arranged marriage(Some of the youngistans, btw, have found the loovvee of their lives from different countries too)
How embarassing is that.
I have only 4-5 more years to get someone.
P.P.S- This post is not an open letter to bloggers asking them to come to me. Sorry, I'm desperate but not that desperate :D

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Of Totas and Maals

Now, we all know that New York was a 'Neil-good' movie, John was droolicious and Katrina was as usual the cutest thing ever. The best scene ever, as debated with my friend, was the
scene where John says the word 'Tota' in the lift referring to one of the 'maals' to Neil.For those who haven't seen the movie, Tota means maal. But it refers to only girls.

SO WHAT?
Madhuri's Mast Mesmerizing Men Amendment Act 2009 states: "All men (The men who are declared as real men by Mads herself come in this category.All sissys and cowards come in
the category of so called boys-yes, yes, I made that up) who come under the definition of cute, hot, sexy, irresistible, handsome, smart looking,will be called by the word 'TOTA' and will be used only by Me,Me,Me and yeah me."

The top 10 Totas as compiled by my sis, my college friend and me, after hours of research, followed by loads of confusion, mental harassment, torture and grief of excluding some well deserved men are:-

The Desi Boys:

John Abr...ahem ahem.


Drool Nitin Mukesh


Imran Khan

Ranbir Ka-rich


Arjun Rampal

The Videshi maal -


Johnny Depp


Hugh Jackman

Christian Bale

Cristiano Ronaldo
Daniel Vettori


P.S- This is the drastic effect of being single at 20. Just keeping my options open, you see. Unfortunately, these guys belong to Akansha too. Since I promised this post to be her swayamwar. Don't ask why, how, when, where :D

Sunday, July 5, 2009

An Apparently Intellectual Tag :P

Tagged by Apparently Intellectual... :D

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss.....Was for Mom :P

2. I am listening to... Yeh dooriyan from Love Aaj kal

3. I talk... All the time

4. I love... Andy Roddick for playing so well

5. My best friends.. are the best ones ever...

6. My first real kiss... hasn't yet come

7. Love is... the ulta of evol :

8. Marriage is... far far far far far away :

9. Somewhere, someone is thinking... about me? No way :(

10. I'll always... take Facebook quizes, come what may.

11. The last time I really cried was because... When I got a horrible dream

12. My cell phone.. is my soul, my life, my obsession, my addiction.

13. When i wake up in the morning... I see my cellphone

14. Before I go to bed... I see my cell phone...

15. Right now I am thinking about... What to do next weekend

16. Babies are... cute...

17. I miss... Being carefree

18. Today I.. will not give a damn about anyone

19. Tom I will ... be early to class and will pay attention in class :P Do something worthwhile, and not give a damn about anyone

20. I really want to be able to... get a move on life.

I tag whoever wants to take it up...

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The Lawyer's Trial

My sis came back to India a few months back and she's going to go back tomorrow. So but naturally, she is cribbing and looks upset whenever she sees a cow or dog or a man peeing on the road with a sappy 'I-will-miss-you-when-i-am-back-in-that-horrible-place' look on her face.

We have been entertaining guests, almost on daily basis, who come and ask advice on how to live there, pee there, etc. etc. But naturally, yours truly, the innocent victim, is attacked too with questions like,

(Questions are in Gujarati/Hindi but I'm writing them down in English)
1) "What's our small one doing?" (And they themselves are 3-4 inches shorter than me!)

2) "Law???!!!" (Followed by ten shocked smileys flashing across the room and me grinning sheepishly and my mom giving a fake, sappy grin at me)

3) "Why did she take law??" (with a high laugh) "She didn't get admission in medical or engineering, huh?"

Okay. Now. Law is not prostitution that I've been forced into, like on the lines of Lagaa Chunari Mei Daag (Whatever the spelling is). Medicine and Engineering does NOT interest me. That's why I took Arts. Commerce is stupid, even though Maths is pretty much interesting.

P.S to the world- There exist other careers too except engineering and medicine for students.

Also, I cleared a freaking entrance exam for which I didn't even half as much prepare as my other college dudes and dudenis have prepared. But I still got through. (shrugs)

It's a different fact that my grades suck. But hello? Einstein's grades sucked. Mine are worse!! (Yes, this quote is copied shamelessly from a Calvin and Hobbes book)

4) They just don't give up.
"Wants to earn fast money, huh?" is their declaration, with a smirk.
Okay, it's not my fault that lawyers never go into recession. I curse this world of man-un-kind to submerge deeply into recession, that they cry and beg on the streets and...muhuhaahaha. Come to me, said the lawyer to the recessionized.

5) "So she is the first lawyer in the family?" (a slight frown on their face. Things weren't exactly going according to their plan to insult,taunt and demoralize me and make my family feel they should have thrown me in the nearest orphanage when I was born)

Yes Aunty. Yes Uncle. My cousin studied law, but he isn't practising now. So I don't have a Godfather or Godmother or Godchacha, Godchachi, except the one who is hiding in heavens and giving me a thumbs up all the time. So it's upto me to make the Iyer mark on the big bad world of Law (with an earnest, sincere look)

6) "She'll easily get a job." they sorrowfully confess as they realize lawyers are always in demand and picturize me charging them per word I speak :D
I smirk in reply and leave the room holding my head high, as the mere mortals have no choice, but to look on....

7) After I leave the room,
"Lawyer...or Liar??" (with a general snigger in the room)
Trust me, when I'm a lawyer, I will sue each and everyone who makes that crack.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Moving On....

This post is not written with reference to some boy or girl (modern age, naa!!) breaking off with me. It may appear very ambiguous, but who cares.

Won't blame you if you don't get a word :D


I'm here, right where I always was,
Not the same I feel this time,
The change has been changed, with no pause,
No laughter, no gay whispers, no music of chimes.

The support I leant on always ,
Long before, gone before I had realized so,
Had left me bruised, hurt, pretty sad,
Bemused, I asked, was I that idiotic to be asked to go?

People always remain the people that they are,
Their dictum, their rule is slapped on you,
And within no time, they get so far,
And you realize the nightmare is true.

I'm on my own,
And this is how I got to remain,
No emotion, no feeling I show in my tone,
Loneliness is me, now no more a pain.

P.S- If you didn't understand the poem- I'm not sad, I'm not angry, I'm not hurt. I'm just indifferent. So keep your hugs and chill maars to yourself.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Potterwatch? No more :'(

This post is dedicated to all my fellow and fellis (fellow’s female version :D) Harry Potter fanatics. There is nothing to look forward in life, since the series is completed.

To those who haven’t read Harry Potter:- Your life will remain incomplete forever. I pity you.
To those who read Harry Potter and hated it:- Crucio to you. Oh wait, take an Avada Kedavra too.


Some points which make you sure you have been obsessed with the Harry Potter books:

1) You have taken a paint brush or anything that remotely resembles a wand and muttered a few ‘Lumos’ and ‘Nox’ and tried to do a ‘Crucio’ at anyone laughing at you (Personal experience. Yes, I was a kid.)

2) You have sorely wished you could wipe out the memory of those kids, with a simple ‘Obliviate’, who keep ranting the subject matter at the top of their voice and yell out doubts, which make you feel dumber than ever.

3) You thought cricket is stupid after watching Quidditch.

4) For boys: You wonder why the smart girls of your batch are not as good looking as Hermione Granger.

5) For girls: You sorely wish there existed real Oliver Woods and Cedric Diggorys in your school/college.

6) You cried when Sirius, Dumbledore, Snape, Fred, Lupin, Dobby died.

7) You wished the pictures would move instead of being stationary.

8) For hostelites- You wonder why the food in Hogwarts was so good and why the food in every other hostel sucks big time.

9) You have compared your teachers with Umbridge, Flitwick, McGonagall and were amazed at how they have so much in common.

10) You have each spell, each of the decrees passed by Umbridge, each dialogue in the book mugged up, and you still struggle to learn 10 pages of your study material by heart.

11) You have joined orkut communities, started orkut communities, written blog posts, discussed on Facebook walls- just to predict or read what others have predicted regarding the content of the next book.

12) You jumped at every rumour of Ron being dead of Harry being dead in the last book and your hands trembled while you read the last book (Not exactly, considering most of us knew Harry would be alive, thanks to the stupid media who broadcasted it early in the morning)

13) You were very critical of the Harry Potter movies, and you irritated your friend who didn’t read the books and watched the movies, by telling them every 5 mins during the movie about which parts they missed and which parts they added and made it worse :D

14) You were sure History of Magic would be more interesting than the History you studied in school.

15) You realized that even if you were a wizard, you would still struggle at understanding female brains (snigger snigger!)

16) You can read the books a zillion times and discover a zillion new things each time you read it, although you have mugged it up by heart, already :D

Can add more and can simply go on. But will end here.
Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! :P

P.S- I know I have left out a zillion other things, but couldn’t make this post endless. You are welcome to add your own, or criticize these ones.

P.P.S- For all those who loved the new dress on my blog, and for all those who winced on seeing the pinkness on my blog- Thanks, thanks, thanks only to Nidzzi. Nidzzi, take a bow :D

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Mads Moods Unleashed !!!!

Fed up of holidays, but don't want college to re-open,
Want to intern, but want to laze at home,
Want to be with friends, but then I avoid them,
Hug mom, but wish to run away from her,
Talk with dad, but get irritated at his sight,
Hang around with sis, but want to push her away,
Come online, and sit invisible,
Listen to music, and feel like punching the speakers,
Want to clear my room, but end up messing it more,
Read the news, and nothing goes in my head,
Want to write a sensible post, but my head is bursting,
Think about Dravid, and for once, don't blush,
Want to put my usual smileys here, but am in no mood to smile.

P.S- All the wise cracks that Mads is going mad or chill maar, you always get upset and your a depressing queen, WILL NOT BE...appreciated :|
P.P.S- Any wise cracks on the words 'moods' will seriously hamper your chances of making a good impression on my mom, since she reads my blog.
P.P.P.S- In case, yours truly made your mood worse than ever by publishing such a un- mads-like post, you may please move your ass to our joint blog and comment on the post on childhood memories \:D/

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

OMG!! But..Why?? How?? Thanks anyway....

I finally, finally, finally, shook off my laziness and ran helter-skelter on this HUGE google site and looked for awards for all of you. Phew. Don't expect any awards for the next 2 decades. I'll ask my kids to give you awards then. Hmmph.

The first series of awards go to each and everyone on my blogroll list (including Fake IPL Player, Chetan Bhagat, but not Shobhaa De, because I kicked her out. Other blogs are better than hers, grump grump) and also to those blogs where I have ever commented.



The next award is for my closest blog buddies and we share the same chaddi i.e. my joint shiters in our joint blog

For Peter:


The blogging world's Chandler Bing deserves nothing less than the man himself :D

For Abhinav:



The funny man, the comic relief, the definition of Lol and Rofl and Lmao. That's him.


For Nidzzi:



Don't beat me :D She gets up, she blogs. She sleeps, she blogs. She had Long Island Tea, and within minutes, the entire blog world knows it. That's my favouritest girl blogger and she's my 1st female blogger friend :)

The next is for ALL the girls I know. Which includes Nidzzi, Harshita, Amrita, Amrita~Ams, Bhawana, Sweta, Dhanya, Ne, Trinaa, HP, Kajal, PJ, Aditi, Dr. Acula, Disha, Akansha, Saheli, Aninya, Pseudo Intellectual, Enchanting Anki, Sia, Crystal. Phew.



We rock, don't we? \:D/

The next is the sweet blogger, which goes to the same girls as mentioned above.
Realize it would be too gay to give this award to guys :-s



Nexter (Wah Mads, and you claim you know English!) is the Versatile Blogger award.
These blogs always have something new to offer (heeheehee services nahi re) and they define the word hatke.

It goes to Abhinav, Peter, Stupidosaur, Chitwan, Amrita, Amrita~Ams, Fake IPL Player (saala haram khor. Accept this award, nalayak!!) Abhishek, Arnab, Anurag, Sarath, Urv, Abhishek Asthana, Multimenon, Mahul, Pseudo Intellectual, Crystal



Nextest is the Motivational Award. I used to look at my own blog for motivation, but when all is lost, these blogs make me look at life with a different perspective.
The winners are, Nidzzi, Pallav, Harshita,Mishra,Ashutosh, Chitwan.



Nextesti (This word sounds so pervert, somehow) is the passionate blogger. Their comments, their posts, brings out the love for blogging. It's for those who blog straight from the heart and for them (so it seems) the blog is not just a blog. It's something more than that.
It goes to Fake IPL Player (Seriously!!!) Dr. Acula, Dream'R, Peter, Multimenon, Shaunak, Buzz, Kajal, Pallav, Abhinav, Nidzzi, Amrita, Amrita~Ams.



Nextester is the funny blogger award. To humour me is not an easy task at all. It goes to Abhinav, Abhishek, Abhishek Asthana, Amrita, Amrita~Ams, Peter, Dream'R, Stupidosaur, Chitwan, More Orangee, Urv



I'm seriously not giving any awards in future. How taxing :O Ouch Owww Sob Sniff.

Barcelona just beat Manchester United to win the Champions League. Poor boys. Heart break moment che. It's so nice being a girl and obsessing over Miley Jab Hum Tum's story instead of seeing a match and brooding over days over it. Maybe my awards will cheer them up :-s

P.S- I know, I have missed out on putting some people's links along with their names. It's because my computer is playing a cruel trick on me. Sue me, will you!!!!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

A Lil' of Fag, Booze and Dope....

I guess I'm back.
I left blogging on my blog because of lots and lots of reasons. And I'm not really happy to be back here, frankly. It's more like I missed reading all your blogs, than writing over here. I love blogging, but there are lot of unexplained reasons why I don't want to blog anymore.

Also, I had taken some resolutions which I had to fulfil when I left, but I'm back and I've still not fulfilled them, but at least I'm in the process.

This blog will have some changes. I want to bring in different styles to my writing (Whatever that means), so will be experimenting....

Have nothing to write, so here's a poem I had written 2 months back, when I was in a bad mood.

Fag, Smoke and some Dope

Smoke 'em up,
Just feel the rush,
A puff, just once,
Forget yourself totally,
A long inhalation, high me,
I'm in heaven, baby......

A shot, just a quick one,
A sensation, throat's on fire,
I'm floating, up in air,
A flurry of emotions,
No worries, no caution,
Let me be, forever.....

A sniff of the powder,
I wanna take in more,
Just a lil' more,
I can't think, I'm lovin' it,
I'm no loser,
I'm available, any takers?

P.S- The last line does not hold true. And the same applies to the entire poem, i.e. I really didn't try all this out, and its just fiction. I just wanted to try out something new, rather than the same old funny poems, and also wanted to make this one non-rhyming. Hope you like it.
P.P.S- Appreciate all the support (and taunts of "pagal!!" and "mads, your mad" and the like, which I got from you people,after my previous post. It's you guys who made me want to come back here and lift my spirits.
It's nice to be back :-)

P.P.P.S- Yes, I didn't get a nice picture for this post. Kill me. Hmmph!!!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

BRB, and it's not just a Bathroom Break....

Cutting my usual crap, and jumping straight to the point, I hereby announce that I am quitting blogging for a while.
It's not an impulsive decision, nor a publicity stunt (I wish it was a bloody publicity stunt)
I've lost the spirit to blog and the eagerness to read other's blogs. It's like a burden or obligation now. And I started blogging, for myself, to let myself free in this small window. But now, I force myself to open my blog link and vent out whatever I have to say. Which just doesn't seem right, because Mads Mad Mess wasn't born for this purpose.

The reason for Mads Mad Mess's birth was firstly, to vent out my personal experiences out here. Then it, by chance, changed into a funny blog where people came,laughed shamelessly, accused my family of being the funniest clowns ever born :P and ran away. I'm indebted to each and everyone who commented on my blog, since all of you have motivated me and made me realize how special I was to you.

A lot has been happening in my life. Like, I'm studying law, and I have 2 years remaining, and I don't know if law is what I want to study. At 20,everyone calls me immature,a kiddo who doesn't have any aim in life, and some worse insults which I would rather not put over here. I'm going through my lowest phase and I need some drastic changes. How is all that connected to blogging, you ask?

Sigh.

And once my Mom reads this post, the first thing she will do is take me to a psychiatrist :P

I have disabled comments for this post, and i request all of you not to comment on other posts regarding this matter, or on my orkut/facebook profile or gtalk chat. Nor ask me to read your blogs saying you miss my comments on your blog. It just doesn't feel right when I read posts when I don't feel like reading them.

No offence meant to anyone, but since each one of you is special to me, I'm writing a post and going away, otherwise I just would have vanished in thin air.
I'll stay alive and kicking on our joint blog, shit for tat....

I've been thinking on these lines since starting of April.
I will come back, I don't know when, I don't know how, but I will come back.
Rahul Dravid Promise.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Poor Gujarat, The Home Coming and a Grandpa Joke

Thanks to all those people who Mannat maangofied for me for the exams and a kick for those who didn't, I managed decently in 5 papers and fared miserably in one (Everyone screwed up, so I guess it's ok).

Who cares? I'm (mostly, hopefully, kinda) in 4th year now. Only 2 more years and I officially (mostly, hopefully, kinda) become a lawyer, although I don't know if a lawyer is what I want to become.

I didn't get my voter's id card on time, even though I registered through Jagoore.com, which proves how efficient the government is. I couldn't vote, and I'll never forgive myself if Gujarat goes to the dogs, just because of my missing vote.

Sniff.

My sister is coming back to India after almost 9 months in the U.S. Things she will/has to do-

1) Start your entrance on the footsteps of India by asking, "Abbe, Sachin ne kitna banaya?"

2) Announce, "It's so hot here. You know, in the U.S. (in a bragging plus ironic tone) it was boiling hot at 2 degrees!"

3) Eat panipuri with special gutter pani and urine mixed with the chutney.

4) Drive the activa and turn and watch an accident, and meet with an accident yourself =)

5) Meet all the relatives who would say, "Hawww, you are 22 now!! Are you going back to U.S? When will you get married then?" And then give a'Wtf-is-wrong-with-you,understand-that-your-daughter-is-upto-something-with-some-firanga-who-is-out-to-rob-her look to my parents (Naah, my relatives are too cool for that, actually)

A Grandfather joke.

Q.How can you avoid mosquito bites while you are sleeping?

A.Sleep after the mosquitoes go off to sleep.



I'm betting on Mumbai Indians to win IPL. What about you?
(Bets are illegal in India)
If Sachin Tendulkar is reading this, please check out Urv's post on an awesome dedication to you.
Oh yeah, others can read it too....

P.S- I'm joking about my sis being a snob. She can't wait to come back to India and she can wait till eternity to go back to the U.S.

Friday, April 17, 2009

And finally, I enter the T20 league

I finally turned 20 years young on 14th April (I share my b'day with Umar Gul, and it's Ambedkar Jayanti, and Titanic sank on 14th April, 1912. Hah!)

That means only 5 years to get married \:D/ :D Yippeee!! :D

This was my best birthday ever, since most of the people remembered my birthday (only one friend didn't wish me this time)

I got terrific gifts, specially from my blogger friends, which shows how much my life has changed, since my previous birthday.

My joint shit-ers gave me the cutest gift ever in our joint blog (They actually put the template as pink!! I mean. There are boys in there, and pink?? :D :D :D)

Multimenon wished me in his post, which was damn sweet. =) =)

Peter made me 2 collages which was damn cute again (with some pink in it again :D Bichara must seriously be in the 'pink' of his health now :P)

Loads and loads and loads of bloggers wished me, and a very big Thank you to them =)

My college friends and school friends gave me awesome gifts and my family gave me a card. My sister sent 3 e-cards =)

Devastated for missing out on IPL till exams get over.

I actually don't have time to post, so I just wrote a by the way post. Yeah, it's exam time again. Just a note to all my blogrolled people that exams are the reason why your blogs are deprieved of my wise comments these days :P

Will be back to Planet blogspot on 2nd May.

P.S- Boring post, naa? :P Kya karein. Corporate Law did this to my brains (Yes, I'm a law student. 6th semester. And hopefully will climb to 7th semester if you wish me good luck and mannat mangofy for me :P)

Saturday, April 4, 2009

The Iyer Circus :D

My family has people from IIM-A,IITs, BITS, and a recent someone studying in University of Buffalo. Not to forget people representing Bombay Gymkhana in football, basketball, what not balls :P .....And yours truly in a National Law University (blushes)

The point being,there are intellects in my family, who might seem like those freaky Nobel Prize winners who are brainy and those typically smart South 'Indiany' (If I run out of careers, I'm writing my own dictionary...Which I shall call 'Mads Dick' :P :D)

But such people are actually one among the common folk.



1) Me (cribbing and wailing)- Dad, please find me a good lawyer, I need to fix my summer internship.
Dad- (removing his headphones and still screaming so that his wife can hear his joke and get thrilled. Oh man, these married couples I tell you!!)- Are lawyers good? :O :D

2)Mom recounting an incident that happened at her bank.
Customer (in a typical gujju wailing voice. No offence meant to any gujjus reading this, but you'll understand the best what I mean by that voice :P)--What's written here???

There was a signboard saying "LOCKERS AVAILABLE"
My mom, full of attitude, ignored her (my mom, but obviously didn't hear the Sanskrit saying of 'Customer is God')

Customer (struggling to read English)- It's written...Jokers available...There are jokers available here??? (puzzled face)

Mom- (LOLing and ROFLing all over the bank)
Customer (when the divine light finally fell on her)- Oh oh..Lockers available (in a small voice)....

3) My sister (The Buffalo...studying in University of Buffalo, re :P) went for ice skating, and I was telling my grandpa about it over the phone. My grandpa said that even he wanted to learn ice skating. But there was no ice in Bombay.
Just as I was struggling to laugh at that, my dad said, "Arre. He has ice...That too, two eyes" And grinned.

This was the ultimate inspiration for me to start writing a will.

4)I was telling my dad that SRK reads the newspaper in the bathroom and how yuck it is.
Dad- No wonder, the newspaper is full of shit.

5) I was going out with my dad. Dad was ready and I was multi tasking and getting ready (combing my hair with one hand and wearing earrings with the other and shouting for my mom to find my cell phone) Dad was impatient so he yelled, "I'll go and reverse the car." Pause. "I'm down"
Dad goes out, just to return back in a Tata nano second with a quip.
"I'm down, but I'm not out!!!!!!!"

6) My grandpa- I love that movie Sholay. You know, I...saw that guy...Gabbar...Amjad Khan, I mean.
Me (frantic, since I wanted to boast to my friends that my grandpa and Amjad Khan used to be susu buddies or they went to school together, anything. I'm the exaggeration queen)- When? Where? How? When did you see Amjad Khan?
My grandpa (in a cool and smug voice)- Oh. On TV.

7) Whenever our computer crashes(yes yes it happens only in the Iyer family), we call a guy to repair it. And that nice gentleman always ends up deleting our valuable stuff i.e. songs,pics etc.

So, during the most recent crash- The first time for my laptop, mind well, that guy was summoned again.

Me to Mom (in my most ferocious tone-growl)- Wonder what he will delete this time....
Mom (cheerfully)- Our bank balance :D


I am definitely writing my will now.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Sutta na mila...Bhe..never mind...

Breaking News: Did you know that Ranbir Kapoor lost his virginity at the age of 15? Harami, sex hungry, desperate saala. I always knew I should be loyal to my Rahul Dravid. But Ranbir is so hot :( But Rahul's soo cute!! Mads confused che.

I'm done with projects and it's party time now. My laptop is healthy, and I'm not wealthy (after spending so much on repairing it) and I'm definitely much more wise now (back ups on gmail zindabad)

To whomsoever is concerned, I have lost all my data i.e. old projects(how will I fill my already poor C.V now?), my pics (my husband won't get to see the pics of the fun I had in college.Sigh.No no. Jai ho to Harini and Joyeeta (my beshtttt college fraaands che), I will flick the pics from their laptops asap), cricketers pics (yes yes, my wonderful collection, which the boys were jealous of, dammit their buri nazar worked) and songs, my poems, stories, sigh, no no I won't crib. Full stop che.

No more cribbing posts.Here's presenting a poem I wrote in my 1st semester.

The Smoking Joes of my batch inspired me to write this poem....So, it's dedicated to them...



FAG A FRIEND

A long, boring day at college, it was,
To smile, to rejoice, there was no cause,
The students reached the hostel by the bus,
They ran to their rooms in a rush.

A student, dumps his bag in his room,
His face, filled with gloom,
He walks out, to his neighbour's room,
His nose twitched as he smelt the fume;
His neighbour smirked and offered a cigaratte,
He took it, and said, "Thanks mate"

Soon the two neighbours were sprawled on his bed,
Discussed from hot girls to the cricket teams they led,
And they fagged and fagged,
And talked from childhood days to the day they got ragged.

Chlormint was chewed merrily, as they set off,
To buy a new packet, they walked and coughed,
A bond was created between the two,
Because of the cigaratte they blew.


Disclaimer- No offence meant to anyone associated with my college. An apology if you still hate me.

While you're commenting here (That is, if you bother commenting) check out the new post on our joint blog and let's see how you fare in the comment exam :D

P.S- Am sure the title of my post is gonna attract hell lotta new readers =)) ;-) Saale boys, I tell you... :P

P.P.S- BTW, I prefer Rahul Dravid to Ranbir Kapoor.Anyday.Any night :D :D Every nite :D

Friday, March 13, 2009

My world came crashing down on Friday the 13th, March 2009

Friday the 13th's are always unlucky for me. Read the label of Friday the 13th to know what happened on the previous one. What happened on this one?
Read at your risk- Warning- It's yet another depressing post by Depressed Devastated Dads...Mads :(

Friday the 13th started off on a horrible note, when I got up at 8:15 for my 9 'o clock class and I still ended up being late. They rang the bell 3 minutes before 9, but yeah, I got attendance (after running at Usain Bolt speed) My legs ached hell lot since I'm not supposed to run and specially exert my knees. And as to why I'm not supposed to exert my knees and blah blah, never mind, and any questions asked regarding this will be left unanswered. Don't tell me I didn't warn you.

We got our project deadline extended till 16th, instead of 14th, so we were really happy and Non Dostanta gay. We had only 3 classes, so I came back to my room thinking I would work on the project and finish it off so that I could party during the weekend (with my other project who's deadline is on 18th.Gah!)

I discovered my laptop wasn't working. Now. I adore some non living things in life. My laptop is one of them, and I hate it if anything happens to him (Yes, my laptop's a HIM!!) or anyone bad mouthes him. I guessed the hard disc had crashed (from the blah blah it mouthed in its code language) but I was hoping I was wrong.



I brought him home. Gah. The hard disc HAD crashed. All my data has vanished. All the cricketters pics, MY pics, my SONGS (Wahhhhhhh), my stories and poems. And the worst part is the ganda icing on our mess ka cake. All my research and all the data I typed out from books at 68 words per minute (Yo, that's my typing speed) is all gone. I had saved a little on my gmail, but most of the drafted and edited parts is all gone.

My parents are pissed with me--What did I do? I never saved porn videos or anything which made the hard disc so full that it burst :-(

This is yet another cribbing post, which makes it 3 cribbing posts in a row(Whoopie, hattrick che), and I was not going to make my next post a cribbing post.

But I'm devastated.

P.S- Daddy ji promises that he will try to recover the data. Jai ho Bapu ji ki....

Monday, March 9, 2009

I faking love you....

Beep you.

Yes, I'm still pissed, and I don't care if Mads Mad Mess turns into a depressing, frustrated blog. I'm not allowed to crib anywhere, since the entire world pounces on me if I crib. My friends seem to be immersed in trouble, 24*7, so I'm not allowed to rant about my sorrows to them. My mom has the burden of the whole world on her tender shoulders, and she is not even thinking about my marriage :-( so Jai Ho to her. And well, I'm too agnostic to turn to God for help. But, you still rock, God. No hard feelings che.

I will crib, I will rant, I will wipe out the smile from your face, so stop reading, if you don't want to get depressed. Sigh. I'm so mean naa. Let my blog be called Mean Mads Mess henceforth.

The worst phase of my life, which started from Jan 1 2009, is continuing, the amount of irritation mounting day by day. I had moments of joy last night when I watched Jab we met on tv and Filmfare awards (RANBIR!!!!! He wasn't that funny, but I could stare at him,so cool che) but today, I'm back to my irritated self. Mom has given up on me. Gee, thanks for that vote of confidence, you rock...

I have some Dad jokes, and Mom jokes, and Grandfather jokes too, but I'm not that nice a girl, to see you laughing, and me depressed, so I will not put it up. I know I'm mean, so don't stay here. Go X-(

A poem dedicated to all the people who fake around all the beeping time. Penned down by me and my friend, Harini, in class, when we were really really really really really pissed at the fakers.


Hey, that's a really fine top you are wearing!
It looks like, it's triplets she's carrying...

OMG!Your new haircut is amazing!
Wait till I tell XYZ, that you look disgusting...

Awwww!!You and you boyfriend look so cute !!
Did I just say that? My foot !!

Yeah,before the exam,I'll tell you the facts of the case*,
Before the exam, you think I'll see your face?

I'm confident, this chapter isn't there in the examination!!
You actually think I would tell the truth to my opposition?


It's a faking world out there,
There's nobody, it would spare,
Genuine I am, and it's for everyone to see,
A fake Mads for all the fakers, I can't ever be.


*I'm a law student, and we have to mug up all the cases with their facts and the basic principle in the judgement of those cases. So usually, before the exam, if we don't get the facts of some really important case, we ask XYZ. And XYZ tells us 5 mins before the exam starts that he/she doesn't know the facts or will tell us the wrong facts of the case. Beep you, man/woman.


P.S- I wish my sister was here :-(
P.P.S- I really don't know why I kept one of the labels as 'mummy oh mummy, kya accha bana rahi ho' ....
P.P.P.S- Beep blogger.com. I cannot upload a pic for this post.

Friday, March 6, 2009

An irritated tag.

I’m irritated. I’m restless. I’m sick of college. I’m sick of the same faces around. I’m tired of projects, even before I’ve started them. I’m waiting for the 4 day break from college, because of Holi etc. I need to rejuvenate myself before I end up killing someone. I hate people, and they all suck.

Here’s the tag on the 25 things about me, which you must know, in case you want to sleep in peace tonight. Many people tagged me, thank you everyone, but I’m not acknowledging anyone since I want to finish this tag, and go away before I write a nasty comment on someone’s blog.

Now, since I’m pissed, this is going to be a tag on 25 things that piss me off.

1.If anyone insults me, my family or my close friends, I really don’t mind abusing them on their face even if they question my upbringing when I abuse them.

2.I like cheering up people, but when they don’t appreciate my efforts and instead snap back at me and ask me to get lost, I GET REALLY PISSED.

3.I am not a fan of animals, but I hate it when people kick dogs or ill treat any animal.

4.I hate those people in college who act in the scope beyond their authority (whoa, what legal language I’m using, dammit) People (I’m not talking about students only) have questioned my upbringing, have questioned my involvement in ‘activities’ and insult me for not having a good C.G.P.A I left Sports Committee (those who know me, will know how important sports was in my life) and will never be a part of any sports activities henceforth in my college life, because of such allegations from my own people. And as far as C.G.P.A is concerned….Yes, I don’t score well, but I ain’t dumb.

5.Coming back to sports, I have stopped playing any sport, and I only watch cricket and a little of tennis (Bichara Federer) now.

6.I hate people who cannot see me happy and always say something or the other to burst the bubble.

7.I hate hypocrites. And whoa, in college, you find only them.

8.I cannot stand plagiarists. I have plagiarized my dad’s work when I was small, and this is reason number 1, why I hate myself.

9.I do NOT hate Rahul Dravid’s wife or Deepika Padukaun (heehee if she gets one more flop, she will become Padukaun from Padukone :D) It is just that I’m kinda teeny weeny types jealous of them :-(

10.I hate mess food.

11.I hate people who insult my looks. I feel something is beautiful in every person. And I really feel looks are not the criteria to judge a person.

12.I prefer crying rather than sulking. Although, I have been sulking all day. Hope something worse happens later in the night, which makes me cry and get over it, rather than sulking on and on and on.

13.To my shock, my attendance is low in one subject in college. And I really didn’t bunk so many classes. I hate attendance marks. Why force a student to attend classes? It’s upto the student to be sincere and attend, and it’s his or her life, let him make it or break it.

14.I don’t hate the songs from Jai Veeru. They are awesome.

15.I hate fake people who keep pretending what they aren’t. Unfortunately, I fake around too. Reason number 2 why I hate myself.

16.I hate littering roads.

17.I don’t hate sweeping, washing clothes, arranging clothes, show pieces, books (Although I’m afraid, my hands will become rough) I like cleaning :D Although, my hostel room is untidy and nicely messy usually :-(

18.If you keep a book upside down, scribble in it with a pen or tear it, then, I HATE YOU.

19.I hate people who scrape their feet on the floor and walk. And scratch on the blackboard with their nails. Brrr….

20.I hate losing. Aarrgh. I’m a true Arien.

21.I hate my college net, which is so slow.
22.I hate not abusing. The pleasure which u get after spitting out those abuse words, ahhhhhh…. !!!!!!!!!!!!!

23.I hate it when I don’t get time to read the newspaper or forget to read it.

24.I hate cribbing and don’t want to post this up. It shows my negative energy and spreads it around. I’ll make some *beep* people read this and make them miserable, Muhuhahahaha.

25.I hate it when people insult my blog and call it a waste of time. And insult my writing :-(

P.S.- I started this post before I went for dinner, but my mood improved after I came back. So I am sane and normal again. Can’t wait to go home and chillax in these holidays. Holi che \:D/ I pass this tag to whoever wants to lift it.

Disclaimer- No offence meant to any authority in my college. You don't know who I'm referring, so you can't sue me :D \:D/ Jhingalala hoo Jhingalala ho HOO HOO HOO !!!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Run, Mads, Run

Drumroll.
I’m back.
(Listens to the deafening applause).
Blush.

I wanted to write hell lot of things for this post, but my brain cells are dead. Not because they are still full of mugging Company law cases (R v. Kite, in which 6 people were in a canoe. The CEO of a company had instructed them not to use lifeboats if boat capsizes. The boat capsized and 4 people died. The CEO was held liable. Howzzat??) and full of debates whether the unmarried daughter will inherit property from her family or not (FYI, before 1956 she couldn’t, and after amendment, she can inherit. This is Family Law, for whomsoever concerned). But, my brain cells are dead since I just recovered from a food poisoning case (The dreaded Friday the 13th one) and immediately after exams, my battle with loosemotion and puking began.

The situation- Loosemotion aaya, toilet bhaago, Sigh. Bleeergghhhh. Puke. Rinse mouth. Wipe mouth with towel. Realize your salive is dripping. Run to the wash basin again. Sit on the bed. Exclaim, what a relief, sir ji. After sometime, something happens down under. Rush at lightening speed to the toilet. Process continues as above.

It's so not cool when you have loosemotion followed by puking. I puke in the washbasin then run and shit in the toilet. I wonder how people manage, who puke in the toilet and shit in the toilet too. Chitwan asked me to do that. But how can I do it simultaneously? Imagine, puke, shit, puke, shit. OMG. Too strenuous. Although, we can save water by doing that. Only using flush and removing both puke and shit out. Will remember to recommend this solution to save water to Narendra Modi.


So, coming back to my brain cells being dead, I tried writing a poem, story, but couldn’t manage a shit.
Hence, this post about shit.
Enjoy the post on our joint blog shit for tat.
P.S.- Situation is under control now. I’m taking medicines and I’m alive and kicking.
A huge thank you to Urv, for teaching me how to do that link thingy where you underline the person whom you're linking to. Aargh. Hope you got what I meant. And a tight slap because he is not updating his blog. Someone get him out of hibernation.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Friday the 13th, The Law of Love & here's introducing, Mom Jokes

I had a pretty (un)eventful Friday the 13th,which ended with me getting food poisoned and sleeping almost half of Valentine's Day. And, of whatever little remained of Valentine's Day, I had a blast (No No No I won't say who I went out with, Mummy reads bloggy, Mads shy shy shy che)

I attended a wedding on Valentine's Day. The best day to get married has to be Valentine's Day. The advantage being, your husband has no option except to celebrate V-Day alog with your anniversary, and he cannot afford to forget it.

I'm bored.I want to get married on 14th Feb.

If you liked Dad jokes (New readers, please check out the label of Dad jokes) then here's the first segment of Mom Jokes. My parents compete with each other these days, to impress you readers with their jokes. Each time they say anything, they either say, "Cool, put it on your blog" or "Don't you dare put this on your blog"

1)I showed Mom the picture of my joint blog called 'Shit for Tat' on my blog. I showed her how to click on it and how it would direct her to my joint blog.
She nodded and asked seriously,
"Then do I have to wash my hands??"

I ignored that, BTW.

2)I was writing a post for my blog the other day and I was giving the final touches to the post (That is, removing a few fucks here and there to give it a U rating instead of the XXX rating. Ok, bad one :( My sense of humour is fucked up because of the exam pressure which I claim I never have. Ok, will continue about this later on in this post)
So, Mom barged into the computer room and sang out, asking what I'm doing.
"I'm posting a post" I said importantly. I know that's fucked up english at it's best, but it sounded cool, so I said that. You know, something like, Ranbir Kapoor awesome che. Exam yo che. Ok, hope you get what I'm trying to say.
Mom replies,
"Oh....."
(A deliberate pause for dramatic effect)
"Don't forget to put the stamps" she added breezily.

3)My parents aren't that great at speaking Gujarati since we are South Indians living in Gujarat. But still, they are pretty decent. We have to speak Gujju since my parent's friends who are gujjus, struggle to speak in English since they studied in Gujarati medium in schools.

So, my mom's friend who's a Gujju, was travelling with us for a mutual friend's wedding. That aunty told, "Faras che". And my mom asked her what faras means in Gujarati. Aunty said, she didn't know the exact meaning, but it meant something like 'problem'. My Mom was thrilled and she said, cool, I can add this new word in her Gujju vocabulary while interacting with others.
After 2 hours, while we were returning back (That aunty wasn't with us in the car then), my mom still wondered that how come she hadn't heard of the word faras in Gujarati before.
Suddenly, the Einstein in Mom comes alive.
My mom said, "OMG"

"She actually meant farce in English when she said faras"

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

P.S- She who laughs last, has to be Madhuri, and she must cry the loudest. Mid semester exams from 18th. I never have exam tension, but this time it doesn't feel like exams, and I'm not having any pressure. Which is bad since I'm not studying and will fuck up my c.g.p.a again. Wish me luck and slap me, kick me, and make me study.

Yeh dilli hai mere yaar...
Bas Ishq Mohabbat Pyaar...
I love Dilli 6 songs.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

And this is how I shooed my love away...

Sometimes you get the one for you. And you spend some happy moments with the one.

And then, kick that one out of your life.


I did the same. This is how I shooed my love away.....

I saw you in the shop, a seductive smile on your face,
You lured me, your charm was mystical on me,
There were many after you, but I won the race,
When we went out, only you, people would see.

Happy for us, with you, I always felt great,
I tried not to be attached to you,
Knowing that every single day, could be our last date,
I loved you like no one else could, yes, it's true.

You started looking shabby and old, there were wrinkles,
I dumped you, on my mom's orders, finally,
I missed your laughing eyes, which twinkled,
My favourite pair of shoes, I saw in the dustbin, smiling sadly.

P.s- Don't kill me for this :-D
Wrote this poem in class when I was staring at my Osho's (a type of shoe-for all ignorant mortals) and wondering when it's time will be up....And I was obsessed with the song Emosonal Atyachaar, hence the melodrama was a little too much, I guess :-D
Also, this is the second time I uploaded a picture along with my post!!!! Yay!! :-D

Sunday, January 25, 2009

How I learnt to talk on and on and on and Why I am what I am today.....

A first year girl asked me the other day, "Madhuri Ma'm (sarcasm dripped all over), were you as crazy as you are now, right from before??"
This is the answer to her question....

I had only one best friend right from 1st standard till 9th standard. I loved her and didn't want anyone else in my life. I found other girls fake and idiotic. I never found anyone else of my frequency and could never find anyone else with whom I gelled. I talked to only 2-3 other girls with whom I gelled decently. I remained shy, reserved and kept to myself. I was never caught talking in class and many people didn't even recognize my voice since I hardly talked.

But then, this girl N, shifted to my class in 8th standard. On the 1st day of 9th standard, incidentally, she sat near my bench. We started talking and hell, she was damn witty and
funny. She blabbered on and I used to put in my one liner comments here and there. She often asked me why I never talked much. She was the first one who told me I have a good
sense of humour, and I think I showed my poems to her first. She encouraged me hell lot.

All these 9 years in school, I had never talked to anyone on and on, except for my best friend and another girl. It was difficult to come out of my shell so quickly.N helped me a lot. She introduced me to her other friends. I knew 2 girls in that group and I was new to 2 other girls. Soon, we sat together during recess hours. They were (are) crazy, quirky, mad, bad, and I really loved it. It's not that I left my best friend. In 10th standard, I changed my division and so did N and my other new found friends. So, my best friend and I couldn't hang out much since we were in different divisions, different tuitions etc.

10th ended, I hadn't changed much. I never talked that much.

11-12th came. N moved to South Africa and our group was separated, everyone was scattered. We kept in touch through calls and mails. I grew closer to my school friends now.They taught me to talk. They taught me to do whatever I pleased. They taught me to be optimistic, mad, and not give a damn to anyone. They taught me to enjoy each and every moment of the present because it will never come back, and to be 24*7 obsessed with Harry Potter and hot cricketers. Also, they taught me the essence of PJ's in our lives. :-)

College started. I was now talkative and mixed around well. I wasn't afraid to throw my one liner jokes at any random Tom, Harry or anyone's dick :P

It's all thanks to N,for introducing me to J,R,NN,AR.
Thanks to my best friend, H, for sticking to me till today. This is the 15th year of our friendship, I realize....

N is coming back from South Africa, to India permanently next week. I met my other group friends today and I have never felt this happy before. Life seems perfect today even if I have exams on your head,fights in college,get rude reactions when I make MJ's (Madhuri Jokes),horrible mess food and no Rahul Dravid with me.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Some more Dad Jokes, on demand...

(Those who are new to Dad jokes, please read the label of Dad jokes and then continue reading this post)
My blogger readers have LOLed and ROLFed at my Dad jokes and merely managed a tiny smile at my jokes. No, my ego is not hurt, I am not pissed, I am not jealous. I shall keep cracking poorer than the poorest joke (anyway, its recession-heehee) till I reach his esteemed level.

Here it goes....
(Some names and situations have been changed to prevent my ass from getting kicked by my parents and then the same poor ass getting kicked by other people concerned)

1) A guy called Vikram used to work with my Dad. Another guy used to work with Vikram and they had to report to my Dad. One day, that other guy hadn't come and Vikram turned up alone.
Dad: "Oye Vikram! Betaal kahan hai??"
Lol :-P

2)A guy called Kamalpreet Puri was my cousin's friend. Whenever I met him during my summer holidays in Mumbai,he used to piss me off like anything. I used to crib to my parents everytime when we talked on the phone about him.
The night before I was supposed to come back to Ahmedabad, my mom called me and asked me if I wanted something special for dinner when I came back. Before I could answer, she giggled and Dad roared in the background.
Dad had said, "She will want anything to eat except Puri."
Hahahahaha. Right!! :-P

3)Mom had got a sticker that said "OM" at some religious function she attended. Since Peter Andre's poster already adorned my room door, but naturally, she had to put it on her bedroom door.
Dad came from work that night, and peered at the door.
He nodded wisely and said, "Now that your Mom has put OM sticker, our home will become (H)OM(E) SWEET (H)OM(E)" :-P

Now for one of my jokes. I didn't make up this one. The ones which I make up, are too...*ahem*...to put it on my blog. Shhh. Shhh. My mom reads my blog. Shhh. Angel face smiley.

Q. How do you ask the rose to go to the moon?

A. Gulab ja-mun.
:-)

An important P.S- Thank you for all the support and concern you all showed for me after my previous horrifyingly post full of sentimental shit.That post should not have happened and then again, I'm glad it happened. Yes, I will become more responsible and serious about my career and future and will not be such an emotional fool.
But Mads shall never lose her madness :-)