Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Escalaphobia che.

Normal people have phobias for lizards (there, you shivered when you read the word itself !!) or spiders (that small thing??) or heights (and here I'm scared I won't get a tall guy :P)

But I have to be different from the rest of the world.
I suffer from this phobia called Escalaphobia. The fear of escalators.

Why? Why? Why do they exist? Man built stairs, man built elevators. but the jerk wasn't satisfied and he made the you-know-whats too.

Here's a dedication to the E things.

You are ugly, you are cunning, a big cheat,
Your teeth, they wanna bite,
And snap off, when I step my feet,
You claim you fly as fast as a kite.

You make me unsteady,
You make my heart stop beating,
You laugh like a maniac, bloody,
And keep the pace jumping.

People appreciate you for saving their time,
They do not understand the terror I undergo,
You save their energy, when they are past their prime,
You have made my life in malls a big blow.

The liftmen laugh at me when I stand before,
Shivering, knees giving way, I tremble,
You mean escalator, you laugh, you ridicule, you roar,
As I make my way to the elevator or stairs, all humble.

My other phobia is Cynophobia i.e. fear of dogs. But I can still manage by shivering, abusing and walking past the poor dog, which incidentally, only bites when it is moody because of which the bitten has to receive only 14 injections. For clarifications, I have not been bitten (YET! Touch wood)


Dhanya said...

Fear of escalators it seems :P Arrey.. I am telling you! You should use them next time you hit the mall. Keep using them till your fear goes away!

That's how I got rid of my fear of escalators :D \:D/

Nicely written poem che! Dunno where you got the time from to write all this. :P

I'll try 2 be truthful said...

main nahi bolungi " omg i totally understand" abbe meri dadi bhi escalator pe chad sakti hai.
ab bata ranbir hath badhaega to bhi escaltor pe nahi chadegi ?? tell tell...
poem achha hai darpok :P

ps- abbbe mujhe kya pata ki ranbir deewani will watch it so late??
pata hai i found him oh so yummy even in that white kurti (cake scene is now responsible for my sweet dreams nowdays :) )aaaaaaaaaahhhh ... they don't make 'em like him anymore .

Abhinav said...

Be a man Mads
Escalators are human's best friends!
see its easy to use them.. Put your right hand on the railing if any... put your left leg on the escalators. free your right leg and hold tight you right hand.. say bye bye from left hand coz its free! Hogaya!

For dogs? ok.. whenever u see a dog coming at you.. make your fist tight and shout at that dog!

lovely and so sachhi poem

Apparently Intellectual said...

haan i know abt ur fear of escalators..but kya re mads tu inni vaddi bahadur putter hai saadi tu lohe ke chote chote daanton vale cute se dragon ke teeth jaise steps vale escalator pe pair rakhne se kaise darr sakti hai? Not like u r stepping in to that iron-toothed monster's mouth!:D
Par haan abt dogs..unhe toh dharti pe paida hi nahi hona chahiye tha..:|

The unsure ascetic said...

tell you what. Try sitting on the escalator. It is fun and not scary at all. To take it further, you can even lie down and dream a little dream. It works

Arpit Rastogi said...

Nice Post n Poem..

Still i think you made it all up.. you cant be afraid of escalators..

mana ki Escalators are jyada daraavney than Ram Gopal Verma's Horror Movie but that does not mean that they can shoot you off. :D

Vaise you ve got a plenty of advice already but i suggest you to do nothing n go with the flow.. It always works..

peter said...

You know I can even run in the opposite direction, on a moving escalator but then I will die coz of heart attack the day a tarantula .touches me :-s

Poem is nice..it's always gud to write a poem about something u hate ..than something u love :P

Priya Joyce said...

ahem ahem...well...unique fears trulu mads che :P...i hav injection phobia (penicillin specifically) :P not tat unique..bt :P

Arv said...


I did happen to meet an old once in the US who was afraid of the escalators... I was wondering why she didnt use the lift. Upon inquiring, her daughter told me that she wanted her mom to try at regular periods with the hope that one day, she would conquer her fear.

So next time, u face that E thingy, give it a try with ur friend or family nearby :)

take care mate...


Akansha Agrawal said...

Arrey everyone has their fears, yours is just something that comes out into the open... escalators toh ab crowd mein hi ho sakte hain na... :P

Dogs... ahem, vaise toh I hate most animals, but I survive... :-s

Akansha Agrawal said...

Poem is nice..it's always gud to write a poem about something u hate ..than something u love :P

*looks at you with :O then says... nah!!!*

I'll try 2 be truthful said...

oh i forgot tell you , i once climbed a bamboo fence to escape 2 doberman .

I'll try 2 be truthful said...

oh i forgot tell you , i once climbed a bamboo fence to escape 2 doberman .

Amrita~Ams said...

oye..subah sham practice kiya kar..ho jayega :|...
bad idea??
my mom also av this phobia..but now she got over it...
tu tension mat le...i will marry a civil engg(just for u :P)..n then he will construct simple stairs for u..in all mall..
or shud i marry electrical engg..to stop escalators?
tu bol vo..:P

Shaunak said...

Wotta poem madam!
Tell you what, don't walk onto the escalator. Skip the first step and jump onto it, leaning forward at a sixty degree angle and waving your right hand shouting Rama rama rama rama as fast as you can.
You'll do it.
I know you will.
Have faith.

P.S. Dogs? Really? LOL! I can't wait for you to enter my territory. There's so many dogs here, you won't even believe it.
Also, they greet every stranger.
*evil grin*

Shruti said...

An escalators is my mom's biggest enemy. No matter how hard i try to convince her in using one, she will search the whole place for a staircase. A few yrs ago we were travellin my the metro n both tokens were with her, n i as usual used the escalator n she a staircase and both were diagonally opposite to each other. The biggest shock of my life awaited me when i found out that the token was with her and there was no way out n no way down , so i had to run down the whole escalator which was climbing up madly n i could see no end to the steps and man, i literally thought i would die running down or that it would suck me in and i was left panting badly!!! thank god, the area was not crowded otherwise i would have died of embarrassment..

N pata nahi kyon, dogs never bark wen they see me(though i hate them).. bas tail wag karte hain :D

nandita! said...

So i'm not the only one!!! :))

but my symptoms r different ya knw? escalators makes me wanna puke!! wat do ya think? :D

Chitwan said...

khekhe :D
i hv removed escalaphobias of many people...i throw them on the escalators and force them to walk against the flow...
:) :) sooner or later they overcome the fear..or....muhahahaha...the big teeth they hv u know :D

Lavanya said...

nice pome :) i could imagine the escalators big red (!) rusty teeth waiting to chop off ur feet !! touch wood !

Anonymous said...

hahaha :D

so cute!!! arre kuch nahi karenge! I've even gone up the down waala escalator!!! But chal read my next post if you wanna be a lil more scared. :P

Sweet Addiction said...

wo kya kahate hai try walking in trade meal.. wht eva is the spelling.. i hope the wil help!!

Anurag said...

Dogs O_o...How would u hv a pet then...I also fear dogs but u know what.. I had gone to my cousin's house a year ago and stayed there for over 10 days in a presence of a labrador...and trust me 50 % of my fear went away...they are just so adorable..I didn't touch him though :D

and escalator O_o again :D...I mean dekho aisa hain...when a set of stairs come in...put your feet in those stairs..it's as simple as that...Gawd...Grow up Mads :D :D

paramveer said...

hahaha...i too has that dogophobia!!
and what a poem..mashah allah!!;)

Ekam said...

hEHE. Totally agree with Apparently intellectual. Dogs ko toh is duniya mein hona hi nai chahiye. Main toh apni bua ji ke ghar ni jaati coz wahan pe unka dog bhi rehta hai:D

Very nice blog. Bloghopped from Dhanya's blog:)

sawan said...

me too is scared of dogs!

nice poem :)

Anonymous said...

Hey, you r the Famous Madhuri Iyer that I read about!

Awesome collection of Smileys and amazing word-play. Liked the bit about 'bear' coming in-between the hugs.

You've got a great sense of humour and timing. Feels good to read your blog.

Anoop said...

haha...nice poem.. liked it.. :D

Mugdha said...

omg omg !
scared of escalators?!! :D
bwahahahaahaha !! :P

i suffer from katsaridaphobia !!
ie fear of cockroaches !

IcE MaiDeN said...

*beat of silence*
escalators??!!! :O
*howling laughter*

abe tere ranbir ke peeche peeche bhaagte bhaagte, my frnds actually ran up n down the stupid escalator.. *wid me trailing behind...* :P *rolls eyes* lolz.. u wud never survive in Mumbai... hahahaha!!! :P :D

*grave shake of head*
I HATE them!!!! simply cz Im a cat person, as everyone in the world and maybe even people from outer space know by now :P
But Im not afraid of them!!! lolz... :P :D its gross only when they drool all over you :P

*extra howling laughter at comments above :P*

P.S: Shit I should have got this writing in stars (*blah blah*) thing patented!!!! EVERYONE does it now.. *narrows eyes* :|

Umesh Agarwal said...

hii...i'm new to your blog and found it just too good...your poem simply rocks...as for your cynophobia, I think I have that too...I just hate dogs!!

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Mads said...

@ Dhanya..thanks for liking the poem..i wrote it in 5 mins :P *shrugs*
arre..i'll try to do it next time...but.. :((

Mads said...

@ Amrita..arre i just can't do it :( bas...escalators are for dadis waise bhi...abhi to main jawan hu :P
evn if dravid holds out his hand i dont think i can climb on the escalators..waise bhi i'll go weak in the knees naa? :P lol pj ;)
thanks for liking poem :P

arre bahut logo ko white kurti wala scene gay laga..i loved it..!! cake wala takes the cake definitely..i watched it 2 days late coz i had a project due..koi nahi...
ajab prem ki ghazab kahaani 6th nov.
movie post mortem 6th nov. on FB :P

Mads said...

@ Abhinav....nahiiiiiiiiiii :((
thanks for liking the poem :)

Mads said...

@ Prachi...lol!! u hate dogs ...so understand my fear of escalators too :((

Mads said...

@ The unsure ascetic..awesome...i cant even stand on it, forget getting on it and sitting down lol..
im a gone case :(

Mads said...

@ Arpit Rastogi..i didn't make that up....hmmph..
lets see what happens with me :(

Mads said...

@ Peter..hehe :D spiders are nothing.. :P

Mads said...

@ Priya..i used to have that..not anymore!! :D

Mads said...

@ Arv..smart idea...my friends and parents do force me..lets see :(

Mads said...

@ Akansha...lol..to each his own che :-w

Mads said...

@ Amrita..rofl..wah!! :P

Mads said...

@ Amrita~Ams..hahaha :P
lol...koi bhi chalega..i love u..so sweet of u to think of me >:D< :P

Mads said...

@ Shaunak..dogs i CAN tolerate but escalators...no :( :( :( :(

ram ho ya shyam nothing will work... :(
thanks for liking the poem :D

Mads said...

@ Shaunak..dogs i CAN tolerate but escalators...no :( :( :( :(

ram ho ya shyam nothing will work... :(
thanks for liking the poem :D

Mads said...

@ Shruti lol...what an experience... :P :P

Mads said...

@ Nandita..hehe..puking? lol...weird !!

Mads said...

@ Chitwan..i am never hanging out with u near an escalator... :O :X

Mads said...

@ Lavanya..thanks for liking poem :)

Mads said...

@ Ki.. thanks for that post of urs :P

Mads said...

@ Sweet Addiction..actually a good idea :-?

Mads said...

@ Anurag...nooooo :(( it's not so easy...

Mads said...

@ Paramveer..thanks a lot!! lol :)

Mads said...

@ Ekam..lol splendid...u dont go at all to ur bua's place lol !!
thanks for liking my blog :) :)

Mads said...

@ Sawan..hi 5!!
thank u :)

Mads said...

@ Surya Kannan..thank u so much!! :) :) :)

Mads said...

@ Anoop...hehe thanks :)

Mads said...

@ Mugdha..now that is funny!! bwhahhahaa at u !! cockroaches?? :P
my phobia is more fearsome :P
thanks for dropping by :)

Mads said...

@ Annieeeeeeeee...u mean girl !!!!!!!
yeah patent the stars :P
and i should patent my smiley and 'che' :-w

ranbir ke piche bhaagte bhaagte it seems... :D lol..i wouldn't hv the guts to do that...*hats off che*

Mads said...

@ Umesh...thanks a lot :) yeah dogs suck :-s

Neethu said...

haha funny poem with gud rhyme schemes:)
btw im arachnophobic :|

Neethu said...

haha funny poem with gud rhyme schemes:)
btw im arachnophobic :|

Haddock said...

I remember how I got my in laws on the escalator (they were 83 and 85)
Before they realised what was happening they were blissfully sailing up !!

Anonymous said...

very useful post. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did anyone learn that some chinese hacker had busted twitter yesterday again.