Wednesday, July 25, 2007

And the juniors arrive......

Scene 1. Morning, 10 AM. The first lecture is over and I come to college then.I am beaming as usual and suddenly 3 unfamiliar faces pass by, looking down, looking sideways, whispering to each other, trying not to meet my eyes.My sweet smile turns into a stare which in turn becomes a glare as I pointedly glared a stare at the 3 guys.One guy whispers to the other 2 sensibly,"Dude, she's our senior, we'd better wish her, or we're screwed.Look at the way she's glaring at us.She hates us already."
And the 3 guys sensible wish me,
"Good morning, Ma'm" and scurry away in fright....

Don't you love that sense of authority u get by becoming a senior? Seeing those poor frightened faces wishing u good morning, good afternoon, good evening, good night a zillion times a day ?
Those are the good points for the seniors.....Sad for the juniors, they have to endure all the torture of noticing whether its morning or evening or afternoon.They have to endure the torture about speaking about home and enduring the bitching....
Example:
Junior-Good morning Ma'm, I'm ___ from Bangalore.
Ma'm-Hmm morning, What? You are from Bangalore ? No wonder you got that Bangalore attitude written on you.(Telling the people around her)- So many juniors from Bangalore this time. Mark my words, they are going to be just like other Bangalore people out here.(Shooting a disgusted look at the junior who's biting his/her lip and enduring the senior abusing Bangalore left and right) I don't know why Bangalore people bother to come over here.

See? That's what happens. Luckily my phase as a junior was pretty cool.I loved my seniors and I still do, seriously.My introduction went like....

"Good morning, Ma'm/Sir. I'm Madhuri Iyer.I..."
"Madhuri Dixit?" mocked a senior.
"No Sir, Madhuri Iyer.I..."
"Or are you Madhuri Nene?" he asked seriously
I actually glared at him, and said "Iyer !!!"
He simply stared at me. I muttered sorry. Don't give me a life sentence for losing my temper please, I almost pleaded.
"Koi baat nahi, so Madhuri Iyer,"the same senior stressed on the word 'Iyer' and gave a smile,and asked "So where are u from?"
"Basically I'm from Mumbai and Chennai but I've lived in Ahmedabad all my life."
A stupid senior who's name I cannot disclose.The question was stupid but he's a really sweet senior, "So are you a gujarati?"
"No sir, I'm Madhuri Iyer.I'm a Tamilian."
"Tamilian living in Gujarat all your life" he sniggered.
"And actually she's also from Mumbai" said some one else.
The entire bunch of seniors were laughing.
I was smiling sheepishly.
At least I didn't disappoint my seniors. My batchmates looked on jealously as I, Madhuri Iyer, succeeded in winning the hearts of my seniors right on day 1. :-)

Back to my juniors. It's sad being in their place. But now it's alright. Ragging's done. But still some people insist on calling me Ma'm. Or Didi. I don't mind either of them (since none of them are good looking, they can very well make me their sister, I don't mind) but c'mon it gets to you sometimes.
Anyway, the juniors HAVE arrived, and they are here to stay.........

Monday, July 23, 2007

MADHURI'S LETTER TO GOD

Dear God,

As you obviously know right now, you must be watching the match on tv up there in the heavens, India are 282/9 in their second innings and they need just 98 runs to win against England in Lords.Thankfully, you guys (the Rain Gods) answered my prayers and the match is going to be called off in about 15 minutes.Thank you God.I promise you that Rahul and his boys will practice harder than ever and win the series.Thank you so much for helping them.I know you tried helping India during the World Cup 2007 too but I guess you wanted to give the Bangladeshis their bit of glory.God, you are so nice, you care about every cricket team.But please help India win the series against England.England can have their victory in Ashes against Australia, you know.But I have a tiny complaint against you.Why are you so partial towards Australia?They sledge so much.You know that cricket is a gentleman's game, right ? Inspite of that, you are partial towards Australia !!! India has gentlemen like Sachin Tendulkar who walks off even if he's not out just to make the opposition team happy.India has gentlemen like Ganguly who drop catches to make the opposition happy.India has gentlemen like Rahul Dravid who grants the opposition bowlers a new record of consecutive maiden overs.

Anyways, the match is now called off. Thanks again, God. I'll write to you again, if India needs help in the next match at Nottingham.I promise you, Rahul and his boys are trying their best. :-) Bye, see you later then...!

Friday, July 20, 2007

THE JOURNEY FROM G'NAGAR TO A'BAD

I ran as fast as my long legs could carry me and climbed aboard the bus to Ahmedabad.I looked inside and narrowed my eyes.But not for long.A man gave me a push and I clutched the conductor's seat to save myself from falling flat on my face.I muttered the usual "damn son of a bitch" at the unfortunate asshole who pushed me, and sighed and surveyed the crowd.(the word 'crowd's an understatement) The conductor yelled "ticket, behn?" in my ears at that very moment. I pulled out Rs. 14 and
handed it over to him."Paldi?" he questioned after he handed over a Paldi ticket. Obviously, u dumbass.Something tickled my legs.I shook my leg and concentrated on balancing myself on the "rocking" bus.Something tickled me again.Something actually moved on to my thighs then.I snapped out of my day dreaming session and looked down.Oh no, I
groaned.It was a kid.Moving his grubby hands full of saliva over my new jeans.And his mother was smiling at me and him.I gave a weak smile and shook his hand off my jeans.But no.He did not get the hint.He tugged again and again at my poor jeans.He had the balls to pinch me then.I controlled my temper since I didn't wanna get into a fight in a crowded bus and use my wonderful abuse vocabulary. I looked at his mom pleadingly and she smiled at me.I looked away in desperation.And then.I felt a hand on my hand.I looked slowly at the owner of the hand.It was the kid's mom.Her long nails, painted in shocking silver was firm on my hand.And she was smiling.There was something strange about that smile.I shook her hand and then had a huge shock as I wasn't holding onto anything for my balancing act and the bus stopped at Sabarmati with a jerk.I clung onto the same handle again and the lady's hand was yet again on mine.Her nails dug on firmly into my hand and there was no escaping.I was busy thinking about the cost of a rickshaw from Sabarmati to Paldi if I got down then and there.And then she said the magical words.She was getting down at Vadaj which wasn't far from there.I beamed at her.And I immediately regretted this impulsive act of mine and I looked away as she beamed back.And then I turned my back on her.Mistake number 2398234 of the day for me.I forgot my main lesson I learnt in karate, never show your back to your opponent.And I committed that insane mistake.The lady was resting her head on my back.I cursed my family for passing on their 'tall genes' to me and I shook her head off.Vadaj was nearing.I was restless.I turned and scanned the remaining people on the bus.My eyes stopped onto 2 Muslim guys.Oh La La.One with yellowish eyes.Tall.Fair.That unshaven, mysterious look.I thought back to the conversation I had with my friends about "real men".I cursed him for not taking law and coming to GNLU.I realized I had been staring at him and I was too distracted to notice that the kid was tugging inside my bag and the lady was eyeing the contents of the bag.My toothbrush peeped out.The lady just looked at me strangely.Yeah right, woman.I'm running away from my home in Gandhinagar and
meeting my boyfriend in Ahmedabad and I'm going to spend the night with him.And then came VADAJ.The woman got down with her million suitcases and the kid cheerfully waved his Good Day biscuit packet at
me and hopped off the bus.The rest of the journey was uneventful.The Muslim guy was in his own world to notice that I existed.I pondered over my single status and I shrugged off my depression and thought about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.My thoughts went back to the kid and his mom.

Always the optimistic, I thought about the positive outcomes I had
during the journey with the two.
1) The journey did not seem that long as I was distracted cursing him and his mom.
2) Lesbianism can be found even among the most orthodox women in Gujarat.
3) Even kids can be perverts.

Paldi, Paldi, Paldi, yelled the conductor. The Muslim guy too got down at Paldi and went to the side where Bank Of India, Paldi branch was situated. I prayed to God that Mom got transferred there and the Muslim guy had an account there.I smiled in satisfaction as I sat in the rickshaw to finally go home.Home sweet home.No wonder I CANNOT come home every weekend.