Sunday, August 31, 2008

Agony Aunt's agony(ies)

I had written in an earlier post that I'll elaborate on my profession as an Agony Aunt.

Disclaimer:- It's all confidential shit, so I might just change a few things here and there, for my own safety. Even if I let out everything over here, my clients won't mind:- They'll still trust me and come to me for advice. Sigh. At least I know I have a back up career, when I go to Dharavi slums. I don't mean to insult them or something. They know I don't like it, anyways.

1) The usual boyfriend girlfriend spats. I start off by explaining that I shouldn't interfere. They cut me off by giving me injured looks. Errr...Ok, I try to repair the damage. I say, ok I'll give you some advice...but don't blame me if it doesn't work out. They nod wisely and sincerely. What happens the next day? An angry finger pointed accusingly at me (they don't dare point the middle one) and a frown on the face, a few 'you're so stupid.....a total idiot...' thrown at me. She's back to the depressing world where she can see only that pig's face everywhere. Duh. And she still continues to ask me for advice? I mean. Wow. I don't know whether I should be in awe of her or myself.

2) Homesick. And then sarcastic taunts about me being a localite. Hey dude. My homes are in Mumbai and Chennai. And I hardly get to go there because I'm chained to Gujju land. Duh...I don't tell my friends that I'm going home-to Ahmedabad- because they would feel bad and homesick. They just give a sarcastic laugh and say I'm doing nautanki. Duh, there are still some genuine, nice people in our college, man. Though, I doubt how long I will remain this way....

3) Marks. A got more marks, even though I studied more than A. Why??????? I did study, I know I did. Still I got so less. Dude, I'm no topper myself. But cribbing won't help, right? I sit down and encourage them to conquer the world in the next exam. I wish I could practice what I preach, hmm.

4) I don't have many guys as my clients, because:-
i) I'm a tomboy.
ii) I'm not a girl.
ii) I'm more bold than most of the guys in my college (Hahahaha)
iv) But I still don't understand why they aren't my clients.

5) I'm not allowed to be depressed. My worries are supposedly minimal compared to their agonies. India lost a match? They are 1 down in the series? They flash a completely indifferent look at me. Their eyes bulge out when they realize their shoes don't go with their outfit. Naturally, yours truly has to convince them that it's perfectly fine and the guy will be busy looking at your sexy legs rather than noticing the shoes.

6) Why the fuck do they comment about cricket when they don't know a shit about it? They claim statistics don't matter, when I recite some statistics to them. Duh, get a life. I don't know about your make up shit, so I don't say a word about it. Go away.

Err. I just realized I can't continue the post. Better to be safe than sorry. I need friends to survive in this madhouse for the next 3 years (Groan, 3 more years?)....

Note:- I am NOT insulting anyone in my college. It's MY Agony, I'm talking about. It's not YOU I'm referring to. I'm referring to the MASSES. You CANNOT sue me for this.


peter said...

well u seem to be calculating facts and then writing it up ..the numbering pattern shows !!

I sound silly (i know )
btw nice post again ...and nobody can sue u ...coz u entertain everyone even when u insult LOL :

Link to my orkut profile :

cheers !

Mads said...

glad u urself admitted u sound silly :D :D :P i always use the numbering pattern :-| dunno why...thanks for d appreciation again.. :D

n thanks for d link..will add u up there... :-)

Prabhu Dutta Das said...

"Welcome to the REAL World!"

Mads said...

arre. as if im new to all this...

alex paul k said...

1)yo frnds r smart n u dun ve 2 b necesarily in awe f yoself,mayb dey jus wanna get ur thots n do d xact oppsite

2)u r not a boy...v ve got betta places 2 luk at

Mads said...

@ alex :O so mean...