Friday, November 2, 2007

G-I-R-L-S !!!

Girls suck, don't they ? True, I'm a girl, but I'm a tomboy and thank God I'm a tomboy !! And yes, I have some girly qualities which I hate but have to live with it...But..it's sad being a girl !!

Here's why girls suck !!!

1) They think too much !! About every damn thing !! Like.. A wore this black pant yesterday afternoon and today morning she's wearing the same thing...Or.. C (guy) praised A's ear rings. Something's going on, I'm damn sure !! Or... A and B wore the same hair rubber band today !! Oh yeah? Really? Ohhh the world will come to an end now !!!! Aaaaaaarghhhhhh !!

2) They worry too much. About every damn thing. Oh there's an exam, I need to study, I have to skip dinner tonight. Oh this button of my shirt has come out, I have to take it to the tailors now, Oh God help me. Aaaaaarghhhhhh chillax, won't u !!

3) They fuss about their own clothes and about other's clothes. If I wear black pants today and if I repeat it tomorrow, no, I should be hanged to death for this error. If A wears light pink shirt and B wears light pink shirt with a black border, A will rush back and change her shirt and then come back. If a drop of tea falls on A's blue trousers, she will rush back and change her trousers. No, I am not kidding.

4) Is my kaajal okay? Is my hair okay? Is my skin looking too dry? Is my lip gloss a bit too much? Is my shirt too short? Is my shirt and pant combination looking weird ? Aaaaarghhhhhhhh
Oh and I almost forgot.
I reply "Yeah, it's looking okay."
The next question.
"Are u sure? with a worried look on the face.

5) Pink se panga nahi lene ka. Girls love pink. A room with pink walls, pink curtains, pink bed, pink cupboard full of pink clothes, get the pink picture, don't u ? We just love pink :-)

6) Girls hate sports. Some love it for the men. Brett Lee. Yuvraj Singh. Rahul Dravid. :-) Sigh. But when it comes to playing sports, either they're afraid of developing muscles. Or they are afraid of marching around like a guy (like I do :-P) Or they are simply afraid their nails might break off.

7) Girls with attitude suck big time. Fine ur good looking. Fine u've got great brains. BUT HOW ABOUT BEING DOWN TO EARTH ABOUT IT ???????????

8) Girls will never understand girls.

9) Girls bitch a lot. Girls can't keep personal and professional life apart. If A and B don't like each other, forget about involving them in something together. It won't work out. I admire guys for that. They keep aside their differences and stick together, come what may.

10) Girls care too much. They cry too much. They are too emotional for words.

And a lot more of that...I realize this list will never end, lol........

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

B-O-Y-S will be B-O-Y-S

Boys.What is it like to be a boy? I always thought,as a kid that if u scratch ur crotch, ur a guy.But then when I was browsing through my childhood pics and saw one pic when I was grinning with my hands on my....u get the pic, don't you ?

I hate guys to the core. Why?

1) They are the laziest creatures on earth. All of them. And u end up doing their work, grumbling all the way, knowing they are supposed to do it and u aren't. Their "pleases" and zillion promises of not insulting Rahul Dravid ever again or promises of buying u a chocolate and flashing a convincing smile makes u fall for the trick again and again and again and yeah, again....

2) They are so chilled out unlike girls who squeak if their nail colour is light pink and not pink. They are chilled out when he breaks off with his gf unlike girls who weep even after 5 years of the breakup. Chill, anyway it wasn't working out, he says. They are chilled out and arrive at the airport 30 seconds before the flight is going to leave unlike girls who are there at the airport 2 hours before the flight leaves.
But when Sachin gets out on 99, it's the end of world for them.They'll be sulking in their rooms for a fortnight.

3) Money matters to them. They think 10 times before buying a 2 rs. chocolate. They don't have the cash to go out for dinner with you but they have the cash to celebrate India's win over Bangladesh.

4) Sleep. Another important thing. They can sleep at any time, any place. On the pavement outside a hotel. On the railway station. (YUCK!!) On the streets.

5) Ideal match. They look for perfection. Perfect face, perfect figure, smart, affectionate as well as PDA, flirting as well as shy, reserved as well as social butterfly, introvert as well as extrovert. And when u ask for a perfect guy they say with a smug smile, "You won't have a hard time finding one. There are so many." They talk like perfect guys are like mosquitos and flies in Gandhinagar, so many in number. Anyone's ok for u, yaar, they say.....and they continue cribbing about finding their "perfect girl".

6) They themselves are perverts and make a disgusting face as if they are nuns when u make a small non veg crack in front of them.

7) Moody. When u are moody, they say ur always depressed. You are always sulky. You and ur mood swings. When they are moody, they say it's just being themselves (whatever that means : )

8) Teasing. Not the eve teasing, teasing and irritating u. Guys have a Phd in it. They can tease u with the mess wala to the Professor and make u clasp ur hands till u say sorry u ever teased them. Irritate the hell outta u. I actually say Rahul Dravid is the worst guy ever just coz I have to shut the guy's mouth. It's better me saying he's bad rather than them, right? :-(

9) Temper. When they are angry, ur supposed to keep away. When we are angry, they laugh at ur face and say u look cute when ur angry (again, whatever that means :) and smile and keep laughing at ur red angry face.

10) They smoke like hell, and specially when a friend does it, it kills u to see them do that but then again its their life.And I'm pleased to see them fag away to death.One guy less on earth :-P lol. Same with boozing. But then again, even girls do it...

11) Male Chauvinistic pigs. They say we are inferior and can't do anything. And sulk when u do whatever they claim u can't do. And yeah, they love it when u ask them to exercise their macho powers. Oh brother.

12) Sense of humour. They can make a joke out of anything ranging from a girl's ear ring to her shoes to her nail colour. Anything. And specially when they whisper something into another guys's ear, trust me don't ask them what they just said. Don't bother, it's not worth it.

Guys are pigs, and they know it, which is the best part of them :-P It's useless hating them when u know u can't stop loving them at the same time.... :-)

Friday, August 10, 2007

HER HIGHNESS IS HERE.......

Hi there, I'm in Ahmedabad right now. Just watched Anil Kumble getting his maiden test century, God bless him, God bless Team India. But naturally, I'm in a terrific mood. The mood bursts when I think about tomorrow morning's trip back to GNLU. Damnit. Good things seriously come in tinniest of all packages. I travelled by that damned jeep today where this asshole was smoking right in front of me in that damned jeep and a kid was sitting next to him and coughing away to glory. No, the man refused to put out his cigarette. The gujju lady next to me launched into a speech that the poor kid is "allergic" to smoking and that he shouldn't smoke and all. The gujju guy on the other side of me supported this argument whole heartedly and claimed proudly that he never fagged in his life to which the woman cast a glowing look at him.Oh, damn these middle aged men and women who'll never stop flirting.The man finished his cigarette and thus, ended the conversation.

Anyway, life's going on. College and blah blah going on. Time to go and pretend to sleep. Tomorrow, it's back to G the NLUs......

Friday, August 3, 2007

THE GRAPEVINE

"Hey, you know what? I saw Madhuri and XYZ sitting together and having snacks.Are they...?"
"Don't be stupid. Madhuri was walking with ABC today evening re !!!!"
"Uffff, you don't know what I saw.Madhuri was glowing when she was waiting outside the girl's toilet and talking to DEF.Trust me !!!!"

That's what is called the GNLU grapevine. Let's see the allegations against a person, say against
Madhuri.

1) Madhuri roams around with 20 guys in a day.Let's see who these 20 guys are.Only 5 are her own batchmates, hmm....And, let's see, 10 are her seniors.God, she's so shameless, hitting on her seniors. Ohh Ohh seriously man, she's chatting day and night with her juniors like they are best friends from school.

2) Madhuri watches cricket in the mess. C'mon, a girl just CANNOT like cricket. Even the guys don't have their eyes glued to the T.V, but this female.......Ohhh I know why she's doing it. So simple. So that she can get close to the other guys who are watching cricket. DUH !!!!!!!!!

3) Madhuri is always talking on the phone. She has a guy back home!! Long distance relationship !! So cute !!!

4) Madhuri is basically from Bombay. I'm telling you, she must be just like those typical Bombay people, full of attitude and all.

5) Madhuri is basically from Bombay and Chennai? Chennai? Don't tell me !! How come she isn't dark and she doesn't have curly hair? She cannot be a Tamilian. She must be a Gujju since she stays in Ahmedabad now, dude......

6) Madhuri is wearing ethnic suits (salwar kameez, in our desi language ) these days. She even wears long earrings and leaves her hair open. Oh she is glowing these days. Something going on, ehhh ??? ;-)

7) Madhuri is always orkutting. WHY ?????? Something going on, ehhh? ;-)

8) Madhuri is looking too happy these days. WHY ??????? Something going on, ehhh? ;-)

9) Madhuri is studying in the library. Really? Seriously? Don't tell me!! I mean, Ma-dhu-ri in the li-br-ary !!! Arre, bol naa, uske baju mei koi ladka..........

10) Madhuri is always messaging on her cell. WHY ??????? Something going on, ehhh? ;-)

And the list goes on......
But I'll thank the Almighty and say the situation isn't as bad as I have portrayed above, at least it's not that bad for me. True, people talk about me, but, c'mon nobody has crossed their limits and it's all in fun, ain't it......And of course, it's easier to be on the other side of the boat.
Ohhh i'll catch u later. I see a junior walking hand in hand with one of my batchmates.......

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

And the juniors arrive......

Scene 1. Morning, 10 AM. The first lecture is over and I come to college then.I am beaming as usual and suddenly 3 unfamiliar faces pass by, looking down, looking sideways, whispering to each other, trying not to meet my eyes.My sweet smile turns into a stare which in turn becomes a glare as I pointedly glared a stare at the 3 guys.One guy whispers to the other 2 sensibly,"Dude, she's our senior, we'd better wish her, or we're screwed.Look at the way she's glaring at us.She hates us already."
And the 3 guys sensible wish me,
"Good morning, Ma'm" and scurry away in fright....

Don't you love that sense of authority u get by becoming a senior? Seeing those poor frightened faces wishing u good morning, good afternoon, good evening, good night a zillion times a day ?
Those are the good points for the seniors.....Sad for the juniors, they have to endure all the torture of noticing whether its morning or evening or afternoon.They have to endure the torture about speaking about home and enduring the bitching....
Example:
Junior-Good morning Ma'm, I'm ___ from Bangalore.
Ma'm-Hmm morning, What? You are from Bangalore ? No wonder you got that Bangalore attitude written on you.(Telling the people around her)- So many juniors from Bangalore this time. Mark my words, they are going to be just like other Bangalore people out here.(Shooting a disgusted look at the junior who's biting his/her lip and enduring the senior abusing Bangalore left and right) I don't know why Bangalore people bother to come over here.

See? That's what happens. Luckily my phase as a junior was pretty cool.I loved my seniors and I still do, seriously.My introduction went like....

"Good morning, Ma'm/Sir. I'm Madhuri Iyer.I..."
"Madhuri Dixit?" mocked a senior.
"No Sir, Madhuri Iyer.I..."
"Or are you Madhuri Nene?" he asked seriously
I actually glared at him, and said "Iyer !!!"
He simply stared at me. I muttered sorry. Don't give me a life sentence for losing my temper please, I almost pleaded.
"Koi baat nahi, so Madhuri Iyer,"the same senior stressed on the word 'Iyer' and gave a smile,and asked "So where are u from?"
"Basically I'm from Mumbai and Chennai but I've lived in Ahmedabad all my life."
A stupid senior who's name I cannot disclose.The question was stupid but he's a really sweet senior, "So are you a gujarati?"
"No sir, I'm Madhuri Iyer.I'm a Tamilian."
"Tamilian living in Gujarat all your life" he sniggered.
"And actually she's also from Mumbai" said some one else.
The entire bunch of seniors were laughing.
I was smiling sheepishly.
At least I didn't disappoint my seniors. My batchmates looked on jealously as I, Madhuri Iyer, succeeded in winning the hearts of my seniors right on day 1. :-)

Back to my juniors. It's sad being in their place. But now it's alright. Ragging's done. But still some people insist on calling me Ma'm. Or Didi. I don't mind either of them (since none of them are good looking, they can very well make me their sister, I don't mind) but c'mon it gets to you sometimes.
Anyway, the juniors HAVE arrived, and they are here to stay.........

Monday, July 23, 2007

MADHURI'S LETTER TO GOD

Dear God,

As you obviously know right now, you must be watching the match on tv up there in the heavens, India are 282/9 in their second innings and they need just 98 runs to win against England in Lords.Thankfully, you guys (the Rain Gods) answered my prayers and the match is going to be called off in about 15 minutes.Thank you God.I promise you that Rahul and his boys will practice harder than ever and win the series.Thank you so much for helping them.I know you tried helping India during the World Cup 2007 too but I guess you wanted to give the Bangladeshis their bit of glory.God, you are so nice, you care about every cricket team.But please help India win the series against England.England can have their victory in Ashes against Australia, you know.But I have a tiny complaint against you.Why are you so partial towards Australia?They sledge so much.You know that cricket is a gentleman's game, right ? Inspite of that, you are partial towards Australia !!! India has gentlemen like Sachin Tendulkar who walks off even if he's not out just to make the opposition team happy.India has gentlemen like Ganguly who drop catches to make the opposition happy.India has gentlemen like Rahul Dravid who grants the opposition bowlers a new record of consecutive maiden overs.

Anyways, the match is now called off. Thanks again, God. I'll write to you again, if India needs help in the next match at Nottingham.I promise you, Rahul and his boys are trying their best. :-) Bye, see you later then...!

Friday, July 20, 2007

THE JOURNEY FROM G'NAGAR TO A'BAD

I ran as fast as my long legs could carry me and climbed aboard the bus to Ahmedabad.I looked inside and narrowed my eyes.But not for long.A man gave me a push and I clutched the conductor's seat to save myself from falling flat on my face.I muttered the usual "damn son of a bitch" at the unfortunate asshole who pushed me, and sighed and surveyed the crowd.(the word 'crowd's an understatement) The conductor yelled "ticket, behn?" in my ears at that very moment. I pulled out Rs. 14 and
handed it over to him."Paldi?" he questioned after he handed over a Paldi ticket. Obviously, u dumbass.Something tickled my legs.I shook my leg and concentrated on balancing myself on the "rocking" bus.Something tickled me again.Something actually moved on to my thighs then.I snapped out of my day dreaming session and looked down.Oh no, I
groaned.It was a kid.Moving his grubby hands full of saliva over my new jeans.And his mother was smiling at me and him.I gave a weak smile and shook his hand off my jeans.But no.He did not get the hint.He tugged again and again at my poor jeans.He had the balls to pinch me then.I controlled my temper since I didn't wanna get into a fight in a crowded bus and use my wonderful abuse vocabulary. I looked at his mom pleadingly and she smiled at me.I looked away in desperation.And then.I felt a hand on my hand.I looked slowly at the owner of the hand.It was the kid's mom.Her long nails, painted in shocking silver was firm on my hand.And she was smiling.There was something strange about that smile.I shook her hand and then had a huge shock as I wasn't holding onto anything for my balancing act and the bus stopped at Sabarmati with a jerk.I clung onto the same handle again and the lady's hand was yet again on mine.Her nails dug on firmly into my hand and there was no escaping.I was busy thinking about the cost of a rickshaw from Sabarmati to Paldi if I got down then and there.And then she said the magical words.She was getting down at Vadaj which wasn't far from there.I beamed at her.And I immediately regretted this impulsive act of mine and I looked away as she beamed back.And then I turned my back on her.Mistake number 2398234 of the day for me.I forgot my main lesson I learnt in karate, never show your back to your opponent.And I committed that insane mistake.The lady was resting her head on my back.I cursed my family for passing on their 'tall genes' to me and I shook her head off.Vadaj was nearing.I was restless.I turned and scanned the remaining people on the bus.My eyes stopped onto 2 Muslim guys.Oh La La.One with yellowish eyes.Tall.Fair.That unshaven, mysterious look.I thought back to the conversation I had with my friends about "real men".I cursed him for not taking law and coming to GNLU.I realized I had been staring at him and I was too distracted to notice that the kid was tugging inside my bag and the lady was eyeing the contents of the bag.My toothbrush peeped out.The lady just looked at me strangely.Yeah right, woman.I'm running away from my home in Gandhinagar and
meeting my boyfriend in Ahmedabad and I'm going to spend the night with him.And then came VADAJ.The woman got down with her million suitcases and the kid cheerfully waved his Good Day biscuit packet at
me and hopped off the bus.The rest of the journey was uneventful.The Muslim guy was in his own world to notice that I existed.I pondered over my single status and I shrugged off my depression and thought about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.My thoughts went back to the kid and his mom.

Always the optimistic, I thought about the positive outcomes I had
during the journey with the two.
1) The journey did not seem that long as I was distracted cursing him and his mom.
2) Lesbianism can be found even among the most orthodox women in Gujarat.
3) Even kids can be perverts.

Paldi, Paldi, Paldi, yelled the conductor. The Muslim guy too got down at Paldi and went to the side where Bank Of India, Paldi branch was situated. I prayed to God that Mom got transferred there and the Muslim guy had an account there.I smiled in satisfaction as I sat in the rickshaw to finally go home.Home sweet home.No wonder I CANNOT come home every weekend.