Run, Mads, Run

Drumroll.
I’m back.
(Listens to the deafening applause).
Blush.

I wanted to write hell lot of things for this post, but my brain cells are dead. Not because they are still full of mugging Company law cases (R v. Kite, in which 6 people were in a canoe. The CEO of a company had instructed them not to use lifeboats if boat capsizes. The boat capsized and 4 people died. The CEO was held liable. Howzzat??) and full of debates whether the unmarried daughter will inherit property from her family or not (FYI, before 1956 she couldn’t, and after amendment, she can inherit. This is Family Law, for whomsoever concerned). But, my brain cells are dead since I just recovered from a food poisoning case (The dreaded Friday the 13th one) and immediately after exams, my battle with loosemotion and puking began.

The situation- Loosemotion aaya, toilet bhaago, Sigh. Bleeergghhhh. Puke. Rinse mouth. Wipe mouth with towel. Realize your salive is dripping. Run to the wash basin again. Sit on the bed. Exclaim, what a relief, sir ji. After sometime, something happens down under. Rush at lightening speed to the toilet. Process continues as above.

It's so not cool when you have loosemotion followed by puking. I puke in the washbasin then run and shit in the toilet. I wonder how people manage, who puke in the toilet and shit in the toilet too. Chitwan asked me to do that. But how can I do it simultaneously? Imagine, puke, shit, puke, shit. OMG. Too strenuous. Although, we can save water by doing that. Only using flush and removing both puke and shit out. Will remember to recommend this solution to save water to Narendra Modi.


So, coming back to my brain cells being dead, I tried writing a poem, story, but couldn’t manage a shit.
Hence, this post about shit.
Enjoy the post on our joint blog shit for tat.
P.S.- Situation is under control now. I’m taking medicines and I’m alive and kicking.
A huge thank you to Urv, for teaching me how to do that link thingy where you underline the person whom you're linking to. Aargh. Hope you got what I meant. And a tight slap because he is not updating his blog. Someone get him out of hibernation.

Friday the 13th, The Law of Love & here's introducing, Mom Jokes

I had a pretty (un)eventful Friday the 13th,which ended with me getting food poisoned and sleeping almost half of Valentine's Day. And, of whatever little remained of Valentine's Day, I had a blast (No No No I won't say who I went out with, Mummy reads bloggy, Mads shy shy shy che)

I attended a wedding on Valentine's Day. The best day to get married has to be Valentine's Day. The advantage being, your husband has no option except to celebrate V-Day alog with your anniversary, and he cannot afford to forget it.

I'm bored.I want to get married on 14th Feb.

If you liked Dad jokes (New readers, please check out the label of Dad jokes) then here's the first segment of Mom Jokes. My parents compete with each other these days, to impress you readers with their jokes. Each time they say anything, they either say, "Cool, put it on your blog" or "Don't you dare put this on your blog"

1)I showed Mom the picture of my joint blog called 'Shit for Tat' on my blog. I showed her how to click on it and how it would direct her to my joint blog.
She nodded and asked seriously,
"Then do I have to wash my hands??"

I ignored that, BTW.

2)I was writing a post for my blog the other day and I was giving the final touches to the post (That is, removing a few fucks here and there to give it a U rating instead of the XXX rating. Ok, bad one :( My sense of humour is fucked up because of the exam pressure which I claim I never have. Ok, will continue about this later on in this post)
So, Mom barged into the computer room and sang out, asking what I'm doing.
"I'm posting a post" I said importantly. I know that's fucked up english at it's best, but it sounded cool, so I said that. You know, something like, Ranbir Kapoor awesome che. Exam yo che. Ok, hope you get what I'm trying to say.
Mom replies,
"Oh....."
(A deliberate pause for dramatic effect)
"Don't forget to put the stamps" she added breezily.

3)My parents aren't that great at speaking Gujarati since we are South Indians living in Gujarat. But still, they are pretty decent. We have to speak Gujju since my parent's friends who are gujjus, struggle to speak in English since they studied in Gujarati medium in schools.

So, my mom's friend who's a Gujju, was travelling with us for a mutual friend's wedding. That aunty told, "Faras che". And my mom asked her what faras means in Gujarati. Aunty said, she didn't know the exact meaning, but it meant something like 'problem'. My Mom was thrilled and she said, cool, I can add this new word in her Gujju vocabulary while interacting with others.
After 2 hours, while we were returning back (That aunty wasn't with us in the car then), my mom still wondered that how come she hadn't heard of the word faras in Gujarati before.
Suddenly, the Einstein in Mom comes alive.
My mom said, "OMG"

"She actually meant farce in English when she said faras"

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

P.S- She who laughs last, has to be Madhuri, and she must cry the loudest. Mid semester exams from 18th. I never have exam tension, but this time it doesn't feel like exams, and I'm not having any pressure. Which is bad since I'm not studying and will fuck up my c.g.p.a again. Wish me luck and slap me, kick me, and make me study.

Yeh dilli hai mere yaar...
Bas Ishq Mohabbat Pyaar...
I love Dilli 6 songs.

And this is how I shooed my love away...

Sometimes you get the one for you. And you spend some happy moments with the one.

And then, kick that one out of your life.

I did the same. This is how I shooed my love away.....

I saw you in the shop, a seductive smile on your face,

You lured me, your charm was mystical on me,

There were many after you, but I won the race,

When we went out, only you, people would see.

Happy for us, with you, I always felt great,

I tried not to be attached to you,

Knowing that every single day, could be our last date,

I loved you like no one else could, yes, it's true.

You started looking shabby and old, there were wrinkles,

I dumped you, on my mom's orders, finally,

I missed your laughing eyes, which twinkled,

My favourite pair of shoes, I saw in the dustbin, smiling sadly.

P.s- Don't kill me for this :-D

Wrote this poem in class when I was staring at my Osho's (a type of shoe-for all ignorant mortals) and wondering when it's time will be up....And I was obsessed with the song Emosonal Atyachaar, hence the melodrama was a little too much, I guess :-D

Also, this is the second time I uploaded a picture along with my post!!!! Yay!! :-D