Noida! :D

I shifted to Noida in the first week of April for professional reasons. It's nice...No, it's actually pretty. I know, people think of NCR as the National Capital of Rape instead of National Capital Region but trust me, there is a lot to this place than rape. It is true, everyday, TOI's headlines go on the lines of some woman's beheaded body found after she was raped, and it hits you really hard every morning. But, seriously, this place is PRETTY. We are having unseasonal rains for the last few weeks, so I'm making the most of it.

Enough of the philosophy! Some fun stuff now ;)
Overheard a group of girls talking amongst themselves during my first lunch in the place where I am putting up-
One girl- Yaar, I got a dream y’day. Awesome it was.
Other girls (And me inwardly)- What what what batao batao batao!
Girl- I dreamt that we got good food in the mess.
#Facepalm.

The other day, there was a huge line for food in the hostel. The girls and me at the back of the line, salivated at the thought of custard or halwa or some awesome stuff to eat, by judging the length.
We finally reached the mess counter, only to realize we were getting SALAD that day. That too, only cucumber slices. Hence, the line, apparently. #KillsSelf

I go shopping for food stuff and other essentials on Sunday, because I don’t have time at all on the other days. Before I forget to mention, I always found UPites, Jaats, Punjabis, very charming. They needn’t look good to be attractive, they can charm their way through me, full on.

So, this young shopkeeper caught me as his victim-

1)He- “You really want grape juice? You will get loose motion if you drink it.”

Me- “Errrrrr. (inwardly- Why would you say that and lose a customer?) Fine, give litchee.

Banda smart nikla. Litchee was more expensive than grape.

2)While I was handing him the money, he gawked at the new notes and went like, “Badiya madam, new notes, you stole it from somewhere, didn’t you?”

Me- Oh yeah, how did you come to know? :O
Later , I thought he might believe me actually (people around me do not getting my sarcasm nowadays, that’s why), and mom would kill me if the UP police was after me, in my first month at Noida itself. So, I told him that my mom works in a bank, hence the new notes.

He- (flashing a charming smile) So when you getting the new notes ka bundle for me?

Me- (inwardly, shut up Madhuri!) Pakka, soon!

 Moving on, I was very amused by the reactions my (???) loved ones showed when I informed them that I was shifting to Noida.
Examples:
1) "Noida?? For what?? Law?? Law firm?? They have law firms also there kya??"
2) "Noida?? You mean Delhi naa? Noida is a part of Delhi naa?"
(On being told, no, Noida is in Uttar Pradesh) "U.P.???? YOU ARE GOING TO U.P. TO WORK? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
3) "Noida?? Yaar, you are this obsessed with drinking that you are shifting all the way to Noida?"

I was naturally irritated by the dumb fucks who told me congratulations but inwardly, I am sure, thought I'm going to work in some brothel or something over here (Noida, famous for rape, remember?) And like seriously?
People, kindly note- even if you drink, it is NOT a sin. And it is NOT necessary, that you have to drink whenever you have to party. My office was working on my birthday, so one of my friends asks me if I will get drunk after office. I told her no, because it will be too late, and no company, plus no mood. She went like, OMG but you people drink on every occasion right? I wish they manufactured maturity pills.

But what the hell! I know what my job is all about, and I know why I have come here. I get my independence, so screw you! Score- Madhuri-1, losers-0!

My best Rahul ever.

When I first read about Rahul Dravid's retirement, the first sentiment that went through my mind was- WOW.

Wow? That's what you would least expect from the biggest Dravid fan ever, right? From someone who's email id is iloverahuldravid@gmail.com. From someone who easily calls Sachin a selfish chutiya if you dare to say that Dravid is a slow coach and a burden on the team (Note- I love Sachin, but I have to punish him for the abuses Dravid receives). From someone who has always defended Dravid in online and offline debates. People ridiculed me all this while. After the England tour, where Dravid scored 3 centuries, and you know who's bat was still silent, only then did people start respecting Dravid. Like, seriously? Do those schmucks even know cricket, that they started respecting an individual scoring centuries at the fag end of his career?

I started watching cricket only during the famous Sharjah series where Sachin went ballistic. It's weird, because I fell in love with the game of cricket because of Sachin and I ended up liking Dravid the most.

I can't pinpoint which shot of his, I liked the most. I think it has to be his straight drives. I find that shot very cheeky, when you hit it right back at the bowler, khekhekhe. I loved his sixes, since the people around me, used to love these apparently 'unexpected' shots. My favourite Dravid moment has to be after we won the Adelaide test, and he kissed his cap. I think that defined the man that he is. Another defining moment was when Michael Slater was sledging the shit outta my man, and Rahul just hung his head and went about his business. People get thrilled when Virat or Uthappa go about sledging or abusing back. Sorry, I don't. I think a sport should be played in a gentlemanly fashion. My When-Has-Dravid-Surprised-You moment was when he ran Inzaman fatty out and Rahul ran away with the ball and celebrated.



I found his habit of putting one leg across the other, when he is on the non-striker end very stylish, somehow. I always used to wonder why he is putting so much weight on one knee. I always wanted to know what he and Dhoni used to talk in the slips. Him and Laxman, okay. Him and Sachin, alright. But what did he and Dhoni have in common? I wanted to know what he thinks about the youngsters. I wanted to know if Kohli and the other bitches were ever rude to him or have ever abused him.



I loved his smile that reaches his eyes. I was jealous of his patience, his gentlemanly behaviour, his way of knowing exactly when to shut up and what to say at the right time. I remember, I cried a lot when he got married. Duh, I was in school then. Gradually, from having a crush on him, it turned to admiration and respect.

Now.. why was WOW my first reaction to reports of his retirement? Because I, his biggest fan, wanted him to quit. I knew he was still not finished. I was being selfish. I was more concerned about the future of the Indian test team. The sooner the seniors are kicked out, the sooner will the kids be able to move into their shoes. I was thinking about the World Test Championship. I was thinking about the No.1 test rank which was stolen from us. It was my obsession to see India do well, that I wanted my hero to quit. So..WOW. He quit for the future of Indian cricket. That dude made me fall in love with him, if possible, more.


As my status message on Facebook said- The only thing that Dravid has ever grabbed was the jam bottle in the Jammy ad.

I will always miss you, Rahul Dravid. You will always be my best man, batsman and the manliest man, ever.

When I was Devganized.

Hai !

Ok, so I'm procrastinating work, and I am TERRIBLY bored, so yes, I'm back to trying to scribble something out here. Colleges have started hence there are no cute interns at work too, dammit. Ok, before you people think I am a pedophile, I have a 'Look but don't touch' policy when it comes to interns, alright?!

Oooooh! Did I tell you I got one of Virat Kohli's balls?



Yessir! That too an autographed one ! Thanks to my cousin brother who shot an ad with him. Apparently, Virat's a grouch in real life and my cousin is bitterly disappointed in my taste, heh!

Moving on, for those who know me personally, would know I am associated with an NGO in A'bad, and as I have blogged before, I am not going to mention much about it, since I do not want to publicize it, unless people ask me personally about it (Again, fyi, I volunteer at an NGO and I work in a law firm). I believe volunteering in an NGO is totally- voluntary, hence it should not be thrust upon people who think it's full of crap. Anyhow, right now I hardly have time to work for them, since my darling boss sometimes wants to see my face on Sundays also. And my body parts stop working on Saturday, so I usually doze off on Sundays. I know, I know, I feel guilty doing this, but oh, did I tell you, I'm trying to quit this job and get out of Gujarat? Ok, now you know, so move your ass and find any god damn law firm or big shot lawyer in Delhi or Mumbai for me. Of course, you will ask me to find myself, but hello, I'm the first lawyer in the family and you need hell lotta jugaad to get a really good job. So, yup, this is my lame ass attempt at jugaading!

Coming back to the NGO, when I had relatively more time in my hands, I had to organise an event along with the rest of the team. It was a rock concert where the funds would go into buying books for slum kids. Needless to say, it was a roaring success. *lifts collar* Now, the band that was playing there is called Ozyris. They are based in Delhi.

Now, again coming back to those who know me in real life, I suck at liking people in real life. I have a zillion reel life crushes, from Rahul Dravid to Vidyut Jamwal (That Force guy!!), sometimes I actually pity my own taste. In my real life, I have just had 2 big time crushes. Now, crushes means liking the personality and liking the look of the guy. Usually I end up liking a personality of a guy, but his height sucks so I kick him out of my mind. OR, he has a cute face, bad personality. OR he has a cute face, good personality but he is shorter than me. (Again, for those who don't know me, I am 5'8.5 only.*smug smile*)

So needless to say, having so many have's and have-not's in my list, I hardly liked anyone in my real life. My first big time crush was a guy I met in my German coaching classes, after my 10th standard. But again, after the classes ended, we stopped being in touch. Hell, when we were in the same class, also we hardly spoke. That is because- *drumroll* I CANNOT TALK TO GUYS I LIKE. I am a Raj from Big Bang Theory. And supposing the guy shows a little interest in me, I run away in the opposite direction. Commitment phobia, at your service.

College started. I scanned the guys head to toe. Not a single one caught by interest. Except one senior, who was my height, but again, cute face, good personality, played all sports (That is a turn on, for me, again :P). Needless to say, somehow the word spread that I liked him a lot. He used to talk to me, but again, the *feeling* wasn't there. So he was out again.

So basically, I just had 2 major crushes in 22 years. Coming back to my NGO, it was a normal Sunday when we had gathered at a team member's place to do some work, and I poked them to show me the band members' pics (I had to make do with the gate pass thingy, I was too lazy to facebook stalk them). I scanned all the pics, and screamed at the others, telling them why the hell did they bring such kids to play and that no one is remotely good looking. They sniggered and we continued on with our work.

The band finally came. Bleh. I was least interested in the concert, I only cared about how much funds we would raise for the kids. So I was busy begging/seducing/bugging/threatening my friends and acquaintances to come for the concert. A very important point to mention here- The passes were only 50 bucks but still most of the gujjus refused to pay, because it wasn't worth it, it seems. This rapidly increased my hatred towards gujjus. #AllOffenceMeant.

I was very very very tired on the day of the show, hell, we all were. For once, I did not even get dressed with josh, I did not wear accessories, nothing and I just went. Then I saw him. Himanshu Devgan, lead singer of the band. Ok, he actually has a normal face, with adorable dimples. I found him very very charming even without interacting with him. We girls found him freaking hot after he opened his mouth (and sang :P) but I actually have seen better looking Delhi boys. But this guy had some charm. The irritating part was all the girls liked him a lot, but everyone picked on me for having a crush on him :| Hmph! Obviously my obsessive compulsive shyness disorder pricked up when the others asked me to go and talk to him after the show ended. Finally I went up, and ended up talking more with the others :| I just couldn't talk to him. Others were extremely friendly and sweet, actually even he was/is very down to earth and friendly but I looked at my shoes (heels), looked at the other band guys (Oh God I hope they didn't think I was line maaring on them also), in short, I just couldn't talk or look at him. *sigh* And and and, he is a law student, so we actually had a topic to talk about, but no sir. I know, I know I suck.



Anyway, we landed on each other's Facebook lists, and I hate Facebook chat, so I don't bother stalking him on chat. And again, he is my height so I don't actually *want* him :P Yes, I am very finicky about the height factor, deal with it!
So, the band was back a month ago, this time I told myself to talk properly with him and atleast be friendly and not embarrass him by blushing and stammering and stumbling over my words. I met him and I realized I was over him :O So my crush list still stopped at 2, in real life (for now :P) But of course, my friends in the NGO wouldn't let me off so easily, would they?? They screamed my name, out loud, when he had just finished a song, and I went beet-root red despite me being sure I am over him. And then he actually paused and said, "Hi, Madhuri" on the mike, out loud :O I think blood circulation must have stopped in my body since all the blood must have collected in my face to make it so red. Oh and I freaked out the next moment, because my boss had also received an invite for the same concert and I had bunked office that evening to attend the concert. So I was worried whether my boss saw me or heard my name being called out. Anyway, this is something I can tell my grandkids about! :D

He's still very sweet, extremely down to earth and has an adorable smile, and sexy voice. I do not know about his relationship status, but I know that he will always remain my first real life rockstar crush :D

P.S.- I am going to show him this post, so kindly keep your creepy comments about him to yourself, and not on the blog :P
P.P.S- Himanshu, I hope u don't mind that I have stolen your pic and thrown it here :O

ImMobile

So those know me would know that I'm technologically challenged. I'm fairly good at computers but when you throw words like "Unix" or "XP", I'm like, whoa, talk in English please!

It's the same case with me and mobiles, only- I'm worse with mobiles than with computers. Apparently, CDMA and GSM (I had to google to confirm their short forms) are somethings every mobile user must know.

So, I got my first cellphone when I started college mainly because I was staying in a hostel. I SMSed away to glory, not knowing how much would be cut from my balance (What's that?) Slowly, I learnt it all but apparently it wasn't enough....

My protective parents decided to get me a post paid scheme after my first year instead of a pre paid scheme because I used to go like, "I can't call you because I have less balance" when in reality, I wanted to use the balance for other purposes.Of course, I could not exploit the post paid scheme since you can see the number of calls you make, in the bill which but obviously went to my parents. Facepalm.



I used to have a free messaging scheme of around 1k messages but during my 4th year, I cut down messaging a lot, I used around 200-300 per day. So, mom asked me to go to the Airtel centre and get the scheme deactivated and activate this scheme.

Now, WHY do mobile shops have such cute guys? Obviously I had to make a fool out of myself by displaying my poor mobile sense.

Me: I want to get blah blah blah activated.
Cute guy: You could have just call our toll free number and gotten it done. You needn't have come.
Me: Ohh..(gathers herself) But how will I know if you have really activated the scheme? Huh?
Cute guy: Fine fine, let me activate it for you.
*activates*
Cute guy: There, you go.
Me: Oh thanks! How much do I have to pay?
Cute guy: *poker face* Nothing.
Me: Oh no, I insist, how much is it?
Cute guy: Errrrm.. You are having a post paid scheme. So you will get a bill at your place. You don't have to pay us anything.
Me: ..........

Simba, aren't you nodding along with this post? :P

In other news, I'm still having the same old post paid scheme, which I still cannot exploit despite the fact that I'm working, because I live with my parents. HELP !!

Hungover!

Alright... so I have that sad thing called a writer's block now... I read my previous blogposts, hoping to get the blogging mood but unfortunately I don't think it's working..So I am just going to yap for some minutes and then post it so that I don't feel guilty for not blogging anymore :P

I loved Mausam. Yes, you read that right. Yes, the last 15 mins were unnecessary but on the whole, it was very sweet and cute. I believe in the concept of soul mates. There is one special person made for each and every person on this earth. There was this Facebook page which was on the lines of- "The person who you are going to get married to someday is somewhere on this earth right now" Ok, that might sound gay and cheesy in the first read but oh c'mon! Isn't this the cutest? :D

I have had dozens of conversations with my friends, mom, aunt about my dream guy. Now that I am 22, I am even more open about the whole relationship concept with my parents who wisely advised me to find my own guy rather than putting them through the whole ordeal :P

My experience with my crushes or infatuation with some guys has been extremely SLOW with each one. If I like a guy, I need at least 1 year to be sure if I really like him. And especially if he reciprocates back, I need 2 years! Call it commitment phobia, but I am not someone who can easily fall in love. Yes, I have had dozens of celebrity crushes, but in real life, I just had one crush before college, and during college, I had one. Most of the time, the height factor didn't work out (I am 5.8"5. I seriously don't know if this awesome height was a blessing or a curse since I hardly find any guys who are even 6 feet tall!) Mom tells me I'm a snob because I am very choosy about my friends and my special man. Hell yes, I never believed in compromises.



My friend is dating a guy who is 1 inch shorter than her. Now, she is a very close friend of mine, so I actually considered not keeping the height factor important now. Another friend of mine is engaged to a guy (arranged marriage) but she wasn't very happy with his looks. We all say that personality is the most important thing, but we all know somewhere inside, everyone of us wants a good looking girl/boy. Maybe for the genes to pass on to the kids or just to flaunt him/her around or maybe for the simple reason of looking good together. But both these friends are now very happy with their respective guys, touch wood. They had to make some compromises and they will have to make some in the future.... Which again makes me introspect on whether I will be able to relax on my ground rules of my special guy?

To conclude this aimless post, I'm 22, single and on the look out. Here's to some new experiences! :D



My recentest celebrity crush- Bradley Cooper. OMG. Maal or what.
There's a Facebook page,I Wish Phil From The Hangover Was MY Teacher At School.. I'd Go Every Day.
SERIOUSLY!

Flying on a high!

Holla!

So, I'm working as a volunteer at this NGO in Ahmedabad. The NGO mainly concentrates on the development of municipality school children. I won't elaborate more on what my NGO does or what my role is, over there, but I just want to vent out over here. Some of my closest friends thought I was a loser because I opted to volunteer for *FREE* for an NGO. I mean, the whole point of a non-government organization, is that you won't get paid, right? On the day Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows-2 released, my NGO organized this huge concert to raise funds for notebooks for the children. If you guys must know, I'm a HUGE Potter fan. I had to chuck watching the movie on the first day (the movie was shit anyway) due to my prior commitment towards my NGO. I felt very bad when one of my closest friend told me that I don't even get paid at the NGO, so why am I even bothering. But mom told me later on that she is very proud of me for sticking to my decision and not running off for the movie. Some other friends have appreciated my guts for working with an NGO. Thanks for the support, people. At such times, you actually find out who are your real friends and who aren't. And you figure out what is actually important to you in life.



Pic- OUR KIDS :D

I can't stop talking about my NGO. The kids there are so awesome. Some kids wanted to be a lawyer but they were afraid of wearing that white wig. Lol. I told them that there is no need of wearing that white wig- FYI, even judges needn't wear that! They literally die for company. They pounce on us volunteers when we come and blabber on and on and on !! A kid told me about his crush and how he doesn't believe in love anymore after his crush started 'playing' with some other boy :P

In other news, here's a Mom joke- Mom was scribbling invitation cards for her wedding reception in Chennai. She had the habit of writing 'fly' in short for 'family'. So, in Bombay, there was this Gujarati family called 'Macchar'. So, my innocent mom writes 'Macchar and fly' on the invitation card. Our darling Macchar doesn't come for the reception all the way to Chennai because he used to work in Bombay with mom. Later on, mom found out that he felt really bad because she wrote 'Macchar and fly' on the card :P :P

Nosey !

I live in a city called Ahmedabad which is in Gujarat. Gujarat is known for its hospitality- which is true. For a non-gujju family like us, we were welcomed pretty warmly in the city. The autowales, the grocery guys, the newspaper guys, the servants who works in neighbouring apartments- all know what each member of the family is doing. It's pretty much a pain in the ass for me because while my sister scores some 90% in Boards, they gobble up sweets and when they enquire about my results and I mumble 60-70%, they give me a go-die look. Hello, when my parental units don't care or compare us kids, WHY should you interfere??

There was this time when my cousin brother came down to visit us. He and I decided to go out in the afternoon when my mom went to work. We went by one of the autos waiting near our place. That evening, mom comes home and tells me that one of the auto guys told her that I(her daughter) was accompanied by a boy to a multiplex. Gah!! Luckily, my mom is uber cool even if that boy wasn't my cousin, i.e. if I inform her in advance that I am out with Mr. Blah. But, how nosey can you get??! :O

There's this Facebook page which says 'Hey, I found your nose, it was in my business again!' I couldn't agree more!



Reminds me of a time when I was Miss Nosey Parker. Ok, so I have this terrible habit of asking loads of questions and poking everyone, almost all the time. When I was in 5th standard, mom and I were waiting at the road end. This Rabari family (nomads from Kutch) have a bungalow at the road end. So this member of their family was peeing outside their gate. I peered, stared and peeked as to what he was doing. Mom was distracted because she was getting late for work and I was getting late for school. I tugged the end of her sari and asked her what he was doing. Mom mumbled that I should ask him myself. I hopped across to him and asked him in english, "What are you doing?" He just stared at me. Mom came and pulled me away from him. Hehe :P

Any nosey tale where you were the victim or you were the predator? Go ahead!