Realization.

It's only after something really drastic happens that you realize who is important in your life and in who's life you are actually important.

It's been 14 days since my grandfather passed away and I admit I'm still not over it. I don't think anyone in my family is over it too. Fortunately, I haven't been avoiding studies or messing up my college activities because of the mourning. Studying helped in distracting me. At least my C.G.P.A might finally increase.

What really hurt was the behaviour of the people around me. People who I considered as my close friends, who I thought knew me in and out, didn't actually know Madhuri Iyer. It hurt when outsiders found my grandfather's death funny and made some crude remarks.I have a policy in my Sense of Humour Act, 2009 that jokes on funerals are strictly prohibited. People haven't seen me like this and yeah it's depressing to be depressing and see depressing faces around always, I understand.But it hurts double when your own people don't understand what you are feeling and don't bother.



But what pisses me off is that it's perfectly alright if people crib about their problems which are like, nothing in front of death. Boy problems and rubbish is more important, it seems. I'm not expecting sympathy and any talk that "Hey, look up there, grandpa is watching you, don't cry". I'm just expecting some sensible moments of peace around me. I lost someone, and I'm not asking everyone around me to tell me to cheer up or some crap. But they expect their problems to be more severe than this. There has been not a single soul to whom I can openly crib, be upset over and share what I'm actually feeling.

It's all about adjusting. All my life I've adjusted to all my friends, family etc. My ego had to be crushed in the mud to meet the demands of others. And whenever there's a fight, it's me who has to apologize even if it's not my fault. Whenever I want to do something or go somewhere, it never happens. If I'm not well, it's perfectly okay. If others aren't well, I have to pamper and be all nice to them. Still, I'm termed selfish. I'm termed bitchy. And this is despite me adjusting to others always. I do listen to others when they are sad, rude, pissed, happy any damn emotion. So why isn't anyone around when I need them? Doesn't sacrificing everything mean friendship? I have as big an ego as others have. But I can't ever be egoistic and avoid my friends just because we have fought or don't bother when my friend is sad. Now it seems I never had any self-esteem. I force myself to change, I tell myself to be strong and be cold to others when they are cold to me, but I just can't do it.

When will the time come when I get to do something which I want and which makes me feel happy? When will the time come when someone understands how I'm feeling without me telling them? I'm not asking for a boyfriend. I'm just asking for a friend who knows me inside out and is with me always to share my happiness as well as sorrow?

P.S- I'm not hinting at school/college/blogger friends over here. As for whom I'm hinting at, it's none of your business.
I know, it's a long post. Let me crib at least on my blog space.

If I get all the money in the world.....

(I'm not money obsessed, btw. But this seems like an ideal blog post. I'm jobless, in short. So, let me fantasize what I would do if I had all the money in the world.... I want to buy Rahul Dravid, but naah, he's got a wife and kid. Responsibilities and all, you know. Shit.

1) Catch the first flight to Sri Lanka and go to Colombo where India's playing against Sri Lanka and get a pic clicked with Team India. And another pic with only me and Dravid (Hah, his wife and kids have not tagged along with him to Sri Lanka, so I can be the predator, and he, the prey!)
2)Buy Times of India, so they have no option except to allow me to rule them. I'll be editor of TOI and will improve TOI as a paper. (Hey, TOI rocks, alright?!?!)
3) Buy Shahid Kapur. He's so cute !
4) Buy a law degree and buzz off from my college (My college rocks, I'm just kidding, ok!!!)
) Shop without looking at the price tags.
6) Go to Chennai, see my grandparents every week.
7) Buy my sis a M.S. and Ph.d. in Pharmacy so that she does not have to go to the U.S.
8) Get her a job in some big shot Pharmaceutical company (which she would get even without my money, seeing her over whelming resume)
9) Get a new phone
10) Get new soft toys and barbies
11) Buy Cristiano Ronaldo for myself. And yeah, maybe get him to Gandhinagar and ask him to coach my college guys.
12) Buy Nadal for my sister. And get a good guy for Nadal's girlfriend as a replacement. (See, I'm considerate.)
13) Send Dad and Mom off for a holiday.
14) Get Sonia Gandhi and Deepika Padukone for my grandfather (But my grandpa likes Yuvraj, ok.)
15) Get the most expensive treatments done on my grandparents to make them alive and kicking (They are already alive and kicking ok. But maybe a little more!!)
16) Watch an Indo-Pak match live in Eden Gardens with my grandparents, family and all. Before that, fix the match in India's favour.
17) Buy Sachin Tendulkar and get him to coach my college guys. And force him to teach the girls cricket too. (But hey, I'm leaving college!!!)
18) Buy all the books I can lay my eyes on.
19) Repair global warming. I mean, eradicate it.
20) Brain wash all the politicians and remove all the corruptness from them.
21) No poverty in this world, because Madhuri Iyer is rich !
22) Hold an auction for an Indian guy who :-
a)a great sense of humour
b)can talk 24*7 about sports
c)must be loyal to friends
d)must not hate Rahul Dravid (and it's okay if he likes Sachin more than Dravid)
e)must be a Manchester United fan
f)must be at least 6' or more than 6'
g)must be a techno-savvy person
h)must be addicted to music
i)must be a family person
j)must not be a Virgo
k)must not be a male chauvinist
l)must be sweet and cute
m)must have good writing skills
n)must be creative, innovative
o)must listen to my kinda music
p)must not be moody
q)must be educated (DUH !!!!)
r)must dance and sing well
s)must be patient
t)must like Preity Zinta
u)must not be a smoker, doper, drinker(?!?!?!?!)
v)must be a social activist
w)must be ready to do and die for India
x)must respect Gujjus and South Indians
y)must have no pets
z)preferrably an Arien or Leo or Capricon or Libra
aa)must have dimples (preferrably only one cheek)
ab)must not be obsessed with money

I have to go out for shopping (of course, looking at the price tags)
But I'm still dreaming of owning Ronaldo and surrounded by books and catching a flight to Kolkata and barging into Sachin's dressing room and demanding him to come to my college......