The Iyer Circus :D

My family has people from IIM-A,IITs, BITS, and a recent someone studying in University of Buffalo. Not to forget people representing Bombay Gymkhana in football, basketball, what not balls :P .....And yours truly in a National Law University (blushes)

The point being,there are intellects in my family, who might seem like those freaky Nobel Prize winners who are brainy and those typically smart South 'Indiany' (If I run out of careers, I'm writing my own dictionary...Which I shall call 'Mads Dick' :P :D)

But such people are actually one among the common folk.



1) Me (cribbing and wailing)- Dad, please find me a good lawyer, I need to fix my summer internship.
Dad- (removing his headphones and still screaming so that his wife can hear his joke and get thrilled. Oh man, these married couples I tell you!!)- Are lawyers good? :O :D

2)Mom recounting an incident that happened at her bank.
Customer (in a typical gujju wailing voice. No offence meant to any gujjus reading this, but you'll understand the best what I mean by that voice :P)--What's written here???

There was a signboard saying "LOCKERS AVAILABLE"
My mom, full of attitude, ignored her (my mom, but obviously didn't hear the Sanskrit saying of 'Customer is God')

Customer (struggling to read English)- It's written...Jokers available...There are jokers available here??? (puzzled face)

Mom- (LOLing and ROFLing all over the bank)
Customer (when the divine light finally fell on her)- Oh oh..Lockers available (in a small voice)....

3) My sister (The Buffalo...studying in University of Buffalo, re :P) went for ice skating, and I was telling my grandpa about it over the phone. My grandpa said that even he wanted to learn ice skating. But there was no ice in Bombay.
Just as I was struggling to laugh at that, my dad said, "Arre. He has ice...That too, two eyes" And grinned.

This was the ultimate inspiration for me to start writing a will.

4)I was telling my dad that SRK reads the newspaper in the bathroom and how yuck it is.
Dad- No wonder, the newspaper is full of shit.

5) I was going out with my dad. Dad was ready and I was multi tasking and getting ready (combing my hair with one hand and wearing earrings with the other and shouting for my mom to find my cell phone) Dad was impatient so he yelled, "I'll go and reverse the car." Pause. "I'm down"
Dad goes out, just to return back in a Tata nano second with a quip.
"I'm down, but I'm not out!!!!!!!"

6) My grandpa- I love that movie Sholay. You know, I...saw that guy...Gabbar...Amjad Khan, I mean.
Me (frantic, since I wanted to boast to my friends that my grandpa and Amjad Khan used to be susu buddies or they went to school together, anything. I'm the exaggeration queen)- When? Where? How? When did you see Amjad Khan?
My grandpa (in a cool and smug voice)- Oh. On TV.

7) Whenever our computer crashes(yes yes it happens only in the Iyer family), we call a guy to repair it. And that nice gentleman always ends up deleting our valuable stuff i.e. songs,pics etc.

So, during the most recent crash- The first time for my laptop, mind well, that guy was summoned again.

Me to Mom (in my most ferocious tone-growl)- Wonder what he will delete this time....
Mom (cheerfully)- Our bank balance :D


I am definitely writing my will now.

Sutta na mila...Bhe..never mind...

Breaking News: Did you know that Ranbir Kapoor lost his virginity at the age of 15? Harami, sex hungry, desperate saala. I always knew I should be loyal to my Rahul Dravid. But Ranbir is so hot :( But Rahul's soo cute!! Mads confused che.

I'm done with projects and it's party time now. My laptop is healthy, and I'm not wealthy (after spending so much on repairing it) and I'm definitely much more wise now (back ups on gmail zindabad)

To whomsoever is concerned, I have lost all my data i.e. old projects(how will I fill my already poor C.V now?), my pics (my husband won't get to see the pics of the fun I had in college.Sigh.No no. Jai ho to Harini and Joyeeta (my beshtttt college fraaands che), I will flick the pics from their laptops asap), cricketers pics (yes yes, my wonderful collection, which the boys were jealous of, dammit their buri nazar worked) and songs, my poems, stories, sigh, no no I won't crib. Full stop che.

No more cribbing posts.Here's presenting a poem I wrote in my 1st semester.

The Smoking Joes of my batch inspired me to write this poem....So, it's dedicated to them...



FAG A FRIEND

A long, boring day at college, it was,
To smile, to rejoice, there was no cause,
The students reached the hostel by the bus,
They ran to their rooms in a rush.

A student, dumps his bag in his room,
His face, filled with gloom,
He walks out, to his neighbour's room,
His nose twitched as he smelt the fume;
His neighbour smirked and offered a cigaratte,
He took it, and said, "Thanks mate"

Soon the two neighbours were sprawled on his bed,
Discussed from hot girls to the cricket teams they led,
And they fagged and fagged,
And talked from childhood days to the day they got ragged.

Chlormint was chewed merrily, as they set off,
To buy a new packet, they walked and coughed,
A bond was created between the two,
Because of the cigaratte they blew.


Disclaimer- No offence meant to anyone associated with my college. An apology if you still hate me.

While you're commenting here (That is, if you bother commenting) check out the new post on our joint blog and let's see how you fare in the comment exam :D

P.S- Am sure the title of my post is gonna attract hell lotta new readers =)) ;-) Saale boys, I tell you... :P

P.P.S- BTW, I prefer Rahul Dravid to Ranbir Kapoor.Anyday.Any night :D :D Every nite :D

My world came crashing down on Friday the 13th, March 2009

Friday the 13th's are always unlucky for me. Read the label of Friday the 13th to know what happened on the previous one. What happened on this one?
Read at your risk- Warning- It's yet another depressing post by Depressed Devastated Dads...Mads :(

Friday the 13th started off on a horrible note, when I got up at 8:15 for my 9 'o clock class and I still ended up being late. They rang the bell 3 minutes before 9, but yeah, I got attendance (after running at Usain Bolt speed) My legs ached hell lot since I'm not supposed to run and specially exert my knees. And as to why I'm not supposed to exert my knees and blah blah, never mind, and any questions asked regarding this will be left unanswered. Don't tell me I didn't warn you.

We got our project deadline extended till 16th, instead of 14th, so we were really happy and Non Dostanta gay. We had only 3 classes, so I came back to my room thinking I would work on the project and finish it off so that I could party during the weekend (with my other project who's deadline is on 18th.Gah!)

I discovered my laptop wasn't working. Now. I adore some non living things in life. My laptop is one of them, and I hate it if anything happens to him (Yes, my laptop's a HIM!!) or anyone bad mouthes him. I guessed the hard disc had crashed (from the blah blah it mouthed in its code language) but I was hoping I was wrong.



I brought him home. Gah. The hard disc HAD crashed. All my data has vanished. All the cricketters pics, MY pics, my SONGS (Wahhhhhhh), my stories and poems. And the worst part is the ganda icing on our mess ka cake. All my research and all the data I typed out from books at 68 words per minute (Yo, that's my typing speed) is all gone. I had saved a little on my gmail, but most of the drafted and edited parts is all gone.

My parents are pissed with me--What did I do? I never saved porn videos or anything which made the hard disc so full that it burst :-(

This is yet another cribbing post, which makes it 3 cribbing posts in a row(Whoopie, hattrick che), and I was not going to make my next post a cribbing post.

But I'm devastated.

P.S- Daddy ji promises that he will try to recover the data. Jai ho Bapu ji ki....

I faking love you....

Beep you.

Yes, I'm still pissed, and I don't care if Mads Mad Mess turns into a depressing, frustrated blog. I'm not allowed to crib anywhere, since the entire world pounces on me if I crib. My friends seem to be immersed in trouble, 24*7, so I'm not allowed to rant about my sorrows to them. My mom has the burden of the whole world on her tender shoulders, and she is not even thinking about my marriage :-( so Jai Ho to her. And well, I'm too agnostic to turn to God for help. But, you still rock, God. No hard feelings che.

I will crib, I will rant, I will wipe out the smile from your face, so stop reading, if you don't want to get depressed. Sigh. I'm so mean naa. Let my blog be called Mean Mads Mess henceforth.

The worst phase of my life, which started from Jan 1 2009, is continuing, the amount of irritation mounting day by day. I had moments of joy last night when I watched Jab we met on tv and Filmfare awards (RANBIR!!!!! He wasn't that funny, but I could stare at him,so cool che) but today, I'm back to my irritated self. Mom has given up on me. Gee, thanks for that vote of confidence, you rock...

I have some Dad jokes, and Mom jokes, and Grandfather jokes too, but I'm not that nice a girl, to see you laughing, and me depressed, so I will not put it up. I know I'm mean, so don't stay here. Go X-(

A poem dedicated to all the people who fake around all the beeping time. Penned down by me and my friend, Harini, in class, when we were really really really really really pissed at the fakers.


Hey, that's a really fine top you are wearing!
It looks like, it's triplets she's carrying...

OMG!Your new haircut is amazing!
Wait till I tell XYZ, that you look disgusting...

Awwww!!You and you boyfriend look so cute !!
Did I just say that? My foot !!

Yeah,before the exam,I'll tell you the facts of the case*,
Before the exam, you think I'll see your face?

I'm confident, this chapter isn't there in the examination!!
You actually think I would tell the truth to my opposition?


It's a faking world out there,
There's nobody, it would spare,
Genuine I am, and it's for everyone to see,
A fake Mads for all the fakers, I can't ever be.


*I'm a law student, and we have to mug up all the cases with their facts and the basic principle in the judgement of those cases. So usually, before the exam, if we don't get the facts of some really important case, we ask XYZ. And XYZ tells us 5 mins before the exam starts that he/she doesn't know the facts or will tell us the wrong facts of the case. Beep you, man/woman.


P.S- I wish my sister was here :-(
P.P.S- I really don't know why I kept one of the labels as 'mummy oh mummy, kya accha bana rahi ho' ....
P.P.P.S- Beep blogger.com. I cannot upload a pic for this post.

An irritated tag.

I’m irritated. I’m restless. I’m sick of college. I’m sick of the same faces around. I’m tired of projects, even before I’ve started them. I’m waiting for the 4 day break from college, because of Holi etc. I need to rejuvenate myself before I end up killing someone. I hate people, and they all suck.

Here’s the tag on the 25 things about me, which you must know, in case you want to sleep in peace tonight. Many people tagged me, thank you everyone, but I’m not acknowledging anyone since I want to finish this tag, and go away before I write a nasty comment on someone’s blog.

Now, since I’m pissed, this is going to be a tag on 25 things that piss me off.

1.If anyone insults me, my family or my close friends, I really don’t mind abusing them on their face even if they question my upbringing when I abuse them.

2.I like cheering up people, but when they don’t appreciate my efforts and instead snap back at me and ask me to get lost, I GET REALLY PISSED.

3.I am not a fan of animals, but I hate it when people kick dogs or ill treat any animal.

4.I hate those people in college who act in the scope beyond their authority (whoa, what legal language I’m using, dammit) People (I’m not talking about students only) have questioned my upbringing, have questioned my involvement in ‘activities’ and insult me for not having a good C.G.P.A I left Sports Committee (those who know me, will know how important sports was in my life) and will never be a part of any sports activities henceforth in my college life, because of such allegations from my own people. And as far as C.G.P.A is concerned….Yes, I don’t score well, but I ain’t dumb.

5.Coming back to sports, I have stopped playing any sport, and I only watch cricket and a little of tennis (Bichara Federer) now.

6.I hate people who cannot see me happy and always say something or the other to burst the bubble.

7.I hate hypocrites. And whoa, in college, you find only them.

8.I cannot stand plagiarists. I have plagiarized my dad’s work when I was small, and this is reason number 1, why I hate myself.

9.I do NOT hate Rahul Dravid’s wife or Deepika Padukaun (heehee if she gets one more flop, she will become Padukaun from Padukone :D) It is just that I’m kinda teeny weeny types jealous of them :-(

10.I hate mess food.

11.I hate people who insult my looks. I feel something is beautiful in every person. And I really feel looks are not the criteria to judge a person.

12.I prefer crying rather than sulking. Although, I have been sulking all day. Hope something worse happens later in the night, which makes me cry and get over it, rather than sulking on and on and on.

13.To my shock, my attendance is low in one subject in college. And I really didn’t bunk so many classes. I hate attendance marks. Why force a student to attend classes? It’s upto the student to be sincere and attend, and it’s his or her life, let him make it or break it.

14.I don’t hate the songs from Jai Veeru. They are awesome.

15.I hate fake people who keep pretending what they aren’t. Unfortunately, I fake around too. Reason number 2 why I hate myself.

16.I hate littering roads.

17.I don’t hate sweeping, washing clothes, arranging clothes, show pieces, books (Although I’m afraid, my hands will become rough) I like cleaning :D Although, my hostel room is untidy and nicely messy usually :-(

18.If you keep a book upside down, scribble in it with a pen or tear it, then, I HATE YOU.

19.I hate people who scrape their feet on the floor and walk. And scratch on the blackboard with their nails. Brrr….

20.I hate losing. Aarrgh. I’m a true Arien.

21.I hate my college net, which is so slow.
22.I hate not abusing. The pleasure which u get after spitting out those abuse words, ahhhhhh…. !!!!!!!!!!!!!

23.I hate it when I don’t get time to read the newspaper or forget to read it.

24.I hate cribbing and don’t want to post this up. It shows my negative energy and spreads it around. I’ll make some *beep* people read this and make them miserable, Muhuhahahaha.

25.I hate it when people insult my blog and call it a waste of time. And insult my writing :-(

P.S.- I started this post before I went for dinner, but my mood improved after I came back. So I am sane and normal again. Can’t wait to go home and chillax in these holidays. Holi che \:D/ I pass this tag to whoever wants to lift it.

Disclaimer- No offence meant to any authority in my college. You don't know who I'm referring, so you can't sue me :D \:D/ Jhingalala hoo Jhingalala ho HOO HOO HOO !!!

Run, Mads, Run

Drumroll.
I’m back.
(Listens to the deafening applause).
Blush.

I wanted to write hell lot of things for this post, but my brain cells are dead. Not because they are still full of mugging Company law cases (R v. Kite, in which 6 people were in a canoe. The CEO of a company had instructed them not to use lifeboats if boat capsizes. The boat capsized and 4 people died. The CEO was held liable. Howzzat??) and full of debates whether the unmarried daughter will inherit property from her family or not (FYI, before 1956 she couldn’t, and after amendment, she can inherit. This is Family Law, for whomsoever concerned). But, my brain cells are dead since I just recovered from a food poisoning case (The dreaded Friday the 13th one) and immediately after exams, my battle with loosemotion and puking began.

The situation- Loosemotion aaya, toilet bhaago, Sigh. Bleeergghhhh. Puke. Rinse mouth. Wipe mouth with towel. Realize your salive is dripping. Run to the wash basin again. Sit on the bed. Exclaim, what a relief, sir ji. After sometime, something happens down under. Rush at lightening speed to the toilet. Process continues as above.

It's so not cool when you have loosemotion followed by puking. I puke in the washbasin then run and shit in the toilet. I wonder how people manage, who puke in the toilet and shit in the toilet too. Chitwan asked me to do that. But how can I do it simultaneously? Imagine, puke, shit, puke, shit. OMG. Too strenuous. Although, we can save water by doing that. Only using flush and removing both puke and shit out. Will remember to recommend this solution to save water to Narendra Modi.


So, coming back to my brain cells being dead, I tried writing a poem, story, but couldn’t manage a shit.
Hence, this post about shit.
Enjoy the post on our joint blog shit for tat.
P.S.- Situation is under control now. I’m taking medicines and I’m alive and kicking.
A huge thank you to Urv, for teaching me how to do that link thingy where you underline the person whom you're linking to. Aargh. Hope you got what I meant. And a tight slap because he is not updating his blog. Someone get him out of hibernation.

Friday the 13th, The Law of Love & here's introducing, Mom Jokes

I had a pretty (un)eventful Friday the 13th,which ended with me getting food poisoned and sleeping almost half of Valentine's Day. And, of whatever little remained of Valentine's Day, I had a blast (No No No I won't say who I went out with, Mummy reads bloggy, Mads shy shy shy che)

I attended a wedding on Valentine's Day. The best day to get married has to be Valentine's Day. The advantage being, your husband has no option except to celebrate V-Day alog with your anniversary, and he cannot afford to forget it.

I'm bored.I want to get married on 14th Feb.

If you liked Dad jokes (New readers, please check out the label of Dad jokes) then here's the first segment of Mom Jokes. My parents compete with each other these days, to impress you readers with their jokes. Each time they say anything, they either say, "Cool, put it on your blog" or "Don't you dare put this on your blog"

1)I showed Mom the picture of my joint blog called 'Shit for Tat' on my blog. I showed her how to click on it and how it would direct her to my joint blog.
She nodded and asked seriously,
"Then do I have to wash my hands??"

I ignored that, BTW.

2)I was writing a post for my blog the other day and I was giving the final touches to the post (That is, removing a few fucks here and there to give it a U rating instead of the XXX rating. Ok, bad one :( My sense of humour is fucked up because of the exam pressure which I claim I never have. Ok, will continue about this later on in this post)
So, Mom barged into the computer room and sang out, asking what I'm doing.
"I'm posting a post" I said importantly. I know that's fucked up english at it's best, but it sounded cool, so I said that. You know, something like, Ranbir Kapoor awesome che. Exam yo che. Ok, hope you get what I'm trying to say.
Mom replies,
"Oh....."
(A deliberate pause for dramatic effect)
"Don't forget to put the stamps" she added breezily.

3)My parents aren't that great at speaking Gujarati since we are South Indians living in Gujarat. But still, they are pretty decent. We have to speak Gujju since my parent's friends who are gujjus, struggle to speak in English since they studied in Gujarati medium in schools.

So, my mom's friend who's a Gujju, was travelling with us for a mutual friend's wedding. That aunty told, "Faras che". And my mom asked her what faras means in Gujarati. Aunty said, she didn't know the exact meaning, but it meant something like 'problem'. My Mom was thrilled and she said, cool, I can add this new word in her Gujju vocabulary while interacting with others.
After 2 hours, while we were returning back (That aunty wasn't with us in the car then), my mom still wondered that how come she hadn't heard of the word faras in Gujarati before.
Suddenly, the Einstein in Mom comes alive.
My mom said, "OMG"

"She actually meant farce in English when she said faras"

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

P.S- She who laughs last, has to be Madhuri, and she must cry the loudest. Mid semester exams from 18th. I never have exam tension, but this time it doesn't feel like exams, and I'm not having any pressure. Which is bad since I'm not studying and will fuck up my c.g.p.a again. Wish me luck and slap me, kick me, and make me study.

Yeh dilli hai mere yaar...
Bas Ishq Mohabbat Pyaar...
I love Dilli 6 songs.